By Shraddha Nyati:
The wedding season is here again, and I am going to be a part of it this year. I have come to realise that whether or not there’s a ‘Big Fat Wedding’ depends on the bride and the groom a lot.
When I started earning, I had promised myself that my wedding would be a small intimate affair with only those around who actually care about me and would like to bless me when I enter a new phase in life.
I didn’t want relatives I had never met in life to attend my wedding. The bride, groom and their parents would have to spend all their time and energy in attending to these guests. Wasn’t there a way, I wonder, to make my wedding day memorable without adhering to norms?
Expenses come next in line after one is done finalising the guest list. Parents often spend all the savings on their child’s wedding. Would I be called too ‘modern’ if I wanted a simple wedding? A wedding where I didn’t have to spend thousands of rupees on expensive clothes and jewellery and buy things I would actually need after I get married!
And of course, there’s a list of expectations from the bride-to-be, most importantly her behaviour. I spent most of my life on educating myself and develop my personality such that I could face this world with confidence but now I have to mellow it down so that it adds to my personality the elegance that’s expected from a bride-to-be.
Why can’t an Indian bride be opinionated? Why can’t she be loud or laugh carefree? Why can’t she spend time with her friends and be socially active?
She had carved a beautiful life for herself all these years, and now she is expected to change the course of her life just because of this one ‘event’?
Isn’t being committed to the groom enough? Isn’t being respectable to the elders enough?
Why does one have to be careful when they change their display pictures or post status updates on Facebook? I know these are petty things but then why do they matter so much? Will this define her life ahead? Will this be the reason for her to lead a happy life?
“You must learn how to cook,” “You should lose weight,” “Stop acting like a child!” are statements the bride-to-be has to hear very often.
You might suggest that I do something about it. But how much power does a bride-to-be really have over her parents and the groom while taking these decisions? I have tried, and I have tried really hard, but eventually the bride loses her identity.
Weddings are not supposed to depend on how we celebrate but more on what we celebrate it for. It works like that for men but not for women and we must think about it. It is pretty simple, really!