This post has been self-published on Youth Ki Awaaz by Deborah Grey. Just like them, anyone can publish on Youth Ki Awaaz.

The Stereotypes I Live With As An Indian Christian Woman

More from Deborah Grey

‘Tis the season to be jolly. Christmas is upon us and I’m in the middle of my annual bake-athon. As batch after batch of coffee and vanilla cakes emerge from my oven, I can’t help going back to memories of Christmas back when I was a child. My father, though an atheist, would throw the most happening party in town! Every year, we’d have a special theme. One year, daddy and I were Batman and Robin. The next year we were Calvin and Hobbes. Daddy was very generous with his bar and all our guests stumbled out pretty darn drunk every year. In fact, I had my first sip of whisky from daddy’s glass. We later swore to each other that my mom would never find out. Mom was anyway always a little too busy baking and frying and then baking some more. No, she wasn’t a kitchen slave. She was just addicted to cooking. Over the years she built quite a reputation for herself and her cakes and muffins were the talk of the town (oh well, our neighbourhood).

But there’s more to being Christian than Christmas and cakes. And it is a little difficult to explain that to people here in India. To begin with, their first response is, “Oh, so you are Catholic!” I have the hardest time explaining that I’m an Anglican – that’s Christian too. The story of Ann Boleyn and King Henry VIII follows, but nobody seems interested. Sigh! Personally, I have nothing against Catholics. I think the current Pope is cool. He recognises climate change as a real threat to the world, has apologised to survivors of sexual abuse by members of the clergy and had even made an attempt to support the LGBTQ community before being overpowered by his peers to stop being so blatant about it. Guess he has to take baby steps. But I digress.

Being Christian in India is actually a lot of fun. First, people presume that English is the only language I understand. So everyone from the building security staff to the domestic worker to my grocer, use English whenever they want to communicate with me. Sometimes, I feel like a queen because I’m the only one who gets a ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ from the watchmen in my building every day, while others are lucky to even get a “Salaam sahib.” It is also delightful to hear my cook say, “Thank you for boiling potatoes,” whenever I try to make her job easier. I have been teaching her basic English for the last four years and now she understands simple directions like, “Please wash the dishes before you clean the house. I need at least a cup, a spoon and a plate for breakfast.” The grocer goes all posh when he says, “Madam, I have fresh cottage cheese and large-sized chickpeas for you. Also good quality lima beans!” making everyone else in the store wonder what came over him. He has also been getting salad dressing, flax and quinoa seeds for me.

But it is the aunties who make life miserable. Try renting a house and they respond with a volley of questions based on strange stereotypes, “Oh. So you are Christian. That means you are allowed everything. Like boyfriends and short skirts?” Now while I do have a boyfriend and wear short skirts, I wonder how that is an exclusive Christian privilege? Potential landlords would often gather these neighbourhood aunties for my ‘trial’ before deciding to rent their homes to me. They have asked me the strangest questions. “Why do your parents allow you to date? This is against Indian culture! How can they be so careless with you?” When I tell them that my parents have nothing to do with my personal life and actually think that dating is a great way to find a potential life partner, their parenting skills are judged.

Also, I find the presumption that just because I’m Christian, I must be a drunkard, rather idiotic! I mean it’s high time we moved away from the whole “Michael daaru pi ke danga karta hai” (Michael gets drunk and creates a scene) stereotype! I have taken great pains to explain the Holy Communion and the importance of wine in our culture to my non-Christian friends, neighbours and potential landlords. But after a few years, I’d just tell the property broker to inform potential landlords that I was a single Christian woman, that I was a journalist and kept late hours and that I would be living with anywhere between two to six cats. My vegetarianism and almost Satvik lifestyle has baffled and yet endeared me to many of my previous Hindu landlords. But aunties play spoilsport again and often suggest I should convert given how I was ‘more Indian than Christian’. They fail to understand that Christians are Indian too. That used to drive me crazy once upon a time. Now I just show them my Aadhaar Card as proof of being Indian.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this. Christians didn’t fall from outer space. We have been in India for hundreds of years. Some Indians are Christians because their European Christian ancestors came and settled here in India. Some people converted (some by choice and some by force and that was terrible) and some were born into Christian families. It doesn’t matter how you ‘became’ Christian. What matters is that you are a good, kind and generous person. What matters is that you always pay your debts on time and never steal anything. What matters is that you look after the homeless (human and animals). What matters is that you support your friends in need and that you are willing to fight for somebody else’s rights even if the outcome of that fight doesn’t directly affect you.

The length of my skirt is not important. What’s important is that I mind my own business and don’t poke my nose in anyone else’s life. Isn’t ‘live and let live’ a very Indian philosophy? Yes, I enjoy the odd glass of wine and you are welcome to join me. If wine is not your thing, I make awesome coffee. We can have some with the muffins I just baked. All I ask is that you always remember that things like gender, genetics, geography, religion and diet don’t define you. Your ideas, actions and choices do. Also, please remember that I’m as Indian as you. Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

You must be to comment.
  1. nidhisingh_666

    Awesome! U written your story so subliminally it can make a impact on society. Hope so u’ll write more in future.

  2. Chandrashekhar Jangade

    definitely agree with you. even, i myself have tried to speak in english to some anglo-indians living in bilaspur, chhattisgarh. i thought they could speak english only.

More from Deborah Grey

Similar Posts

By Priyasmita Dutta

By Kritika Nautiyal

By India Development Review (IDR)

Wondering what to write about?

Here are some topics to get you started

Share your details to download the report.

We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

Share your details to download the report.

We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Read more about her campaign. 

A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

Read more about the campaign here.

A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

Read more about the campaign here.

A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

Share your details to download the report.

We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

Sign up for the Youth Ki Awaaz Prime Ministerial Brief below