A World Full Of Bad Things

Posted by Ayona Chakraborty
January 23, 2017

I just got out of a messy relationship and I am sitting by the bar side, cause that seemed like the right place to be tonight. My friends told me that I should pick up one guy tonight and that I still got it in me. I am proud and successful, and finally single. Struggled through years of relationship, and all this just flashes past my eyes when the scotch takes a toll on my inhibitions.

I see many prospects in front of my eyes, some genuine and some who are basically posers, ok maybe most of them, some trying desperately hard to pick a girl, and others putting on a fake Casanova side to impress the ladies. You got to be kidding me; this is where I’ll pick up guys? I mean the ones that seem genuine already have girlfriends and I am not breaking girl code. The rest, I have seen it all, and it’s exhausting to pretend to like them, leave alone hearing guys talk. Flirting with them will be exhausting.

The room is crowded and smelly, and yet across the room I see this incredibly gorgeous woman sitting by a table alone. She is sipping margarita. Ooh classy! I thought. I take my drink and approach her. She seemed consumed in her own thoughts. Dressed in a fitting black side cut dress which brought our her lithe physique and dark skin, she sat there with an amazing confidence.

“Hey! Can I sit here?” I asked, approaching the table. She looked at me, smiled, and said “Sure, sit.”

Thanks,” I replied and sat down. She looked at my drink and my face and said, “Ooh, so who are you trying to forget tonight?” I laughed, woman with a sense of realism. I liked her instantly. “Yea, four years of misery ended today,” I replied. I looked away from her. I knew where this conversation was headed and it would be a total buzz kill.  She looked at me closely and said, “Hmm, judging that by that outfit , the scotch, and your instant reaction to hiding emotions, I am guessing it’s a boyfriend and definitely not work.” God, how did she know? She doesn’t seem much older than me, and the outfit? “Um, what about the outfit?” I questioned her. “Nothing , it seems like you are going for a sob party,” she replied sipping her drink. “Yeah, well trying not to be sobby, what would you suggest?” I replied back. “On your body?” she asked. I nodded. “Well, I would like some sexy dress on you; you are young girl, not some sad old mom fighting a divorce. If it’s an ex you want to get rid off from your system, you better do it in style, like give him something to die peacefully on.”

“Wow, candour on you, I like it,” I replied. I laughed some more. Maybe it’s the scotch. I liked this woman a lot. “Thank you, so what do you do?” she asked. “I am a management consultant for one of the big four. I work specifically in banking systems,” I replied. “Great, MBA then, huh?” she asked. “Yeah, I am,” I replied. “So what do you do?” I asked. “I am the Director of an IT firm, done MBA like you,” she replied. “Wow, you don’t look the part, you look a lot young,” I replied. She raised an eyebrow, “What makes you think I’m old?” she asked. “Nothing, I just thought.” I took a sip out of my drink. Better to go silent on this one.

“I am pretty young for the position I am in, but I got there earlier than expected, so I hope that answers,” she replied smiling. “That’s amazing given that it is tough for women till date to rise to the senior leadership,” I replied. “Not really,” she replied taking a sip out of her drink. “No, it’s tough when you think like a woman, its easier when you have the body of a woman and the mind of a man. Woman become uncomfortable when they have to step out of their comfort shoes and be the boss, cause that will mean thinking smart and making cold hard choices, which most woman fail at.”

“Hence the prototypes of you,” I replied. “Yeah, I wouldn’t be sure of that, I had to make a choice on my marriage too, everything in the world is a game of choices.” She replied. “You’re single?” I asked with caution. “Hmm, by choice and not by divorce as you are thinking,” she replied looking closely at me. “No no I don’t mean to judge, it’s just seemed like the thing to happen,” I replied quickly. “No matter dear, I understand. I chose my career and I moved ahead and pretty fast too,” she said. I kept silent.

I needed another drink. I looked for the guy. “You need another drink, I suppose?” she asked. “Yeah, I do,” I replied. “Don’t worry, on me,” she said and looked towards a guy. “Hey Rohit, another scotch here please.” He nodded and went towards the bar. “You know these people?” I asked. “I come here often. So you seem to be having a lot of thoughts, kindly share, considering you don’t seem to be having any place to be it seems,” she replied. “Yeah, well, since the breakup, trying something different for a change,” I replied. Rohit came with the scotch and placed it in front of me.

She looked at me while I was sipping my scotch, then asked, “Can I ask how this breakup happened?” I was getting tipsy. Inhibition level 2/10. I could reply to this. “I really don’t know, I was hoping it would lead to marriage, I mean fucking four years together, and all I get is shit number of deadlines. Not to mention the cheating and his extreme affinity towards every girl except me.” I replied, tears burning up in my eyes. “You know like the typical post-MBA dialogues, in two years marriage, and four years kids, and six years new house and car , then 10 years more kids and shit like that,” I replied and kept quite. She laughed hard. “Oh poor you! Seriously? So you became the target of an unending bait.”

“Yeah seriously, Imagine, I am a kid out of MBA school, I have choices ahead of me, important career choices, I survived two years of a tough course, not to pump out kids at the drop of a hat, that’s not what I want now, or even years later, maybe marriage yes, but not kids so fast. I actually want to be ready for marriage and for kids, not be a me-too story in the Indian society,” I replied. “True, it’s a lot of maturity coming from a girl your age. This happens dear. I am assuming your ex did MBA too?” she asked. “Yeah, how do you know?” 

“It’s typical dear, today he and you are both at the same level, competing head on head, you have succeeded in being the trophy wife he always wanted and you were just not ready to be sitting on the shelves.” Fuck, this woman is good. I was amazed. “I don’t think anyone ever put it as well as you did,” I replied. She smiled. “I’ve been through the same thing over and over again, with many guys when my mom was out looking for my marriage proposals,” she replied. “So you don’t regret not getting married?” I asked her. “Well, sometimes it feels lonely, but when the proposals were coming my way, I had some hard choices to make to get ahead and am happy I did,” she replied. “Why is it a happy choice? Why is it tough for woman like us, successful woman to find a decent guy? Why can’t they understand?” I asked exasperated. “I can understand the frustration. When you grow up people teach you to be independent, and when you do become independent, then it’s a bad thing. They teach you to be ambitious and career focussed, and when you finally get there, it’s a bad thing. Boys want you to be their trophy wives they can parade around, but when you decline, it’s a bad thing. They teach you to have a mind of your own, and when you do, it’s a bad thing. You are not beautiful, you are declined. You are not educated, you are declined. You don’t want to be attached and yet be dating, you are declined, when you want to be attached, they decline. The world is full of bad things for women,” she replied.

“So how can a woman really be happy, it just can’t be one target after the other. At the end of the day I want to be able to come back to my husband and kids too, I want them to admire me and love me too,” I replied. “No! You just want a convenient version of a husband for you, every girl does. We believe that there will be a guy who will be our life partner and not a husband, someone who will get you and trust your goals but we are talking about men over here, they understand us, just about as much as we do of them, which is basically nothing,” she said.

“So then what should I do? I wanted to wait a few years before marriage, maybe buy a house before getting settled, why couldn’t he wait?” I asked all defensive. “Because he also wanted a convenient version of you. Look we all look for whats quick and easy for us. Sometimes it takes a toll on our relationships. As you grow older you will notice that every right decision gets more and more painful. Sometimes you will wish you where less educated, less smart, maybe then it would get you the marriage you wanted faster. Essentially you are making yourself less and less convenient, with every right decision you make but trust me, it’s the best decision.”

“How so?”

“Simple. The right man will know you are inconvenient for him and still be ok with you. He will figure out a way to be a one plus one with you. One who will know that you are an emotional mess, and try to rearrange them. But he will expect the same from you. So the real question isn’t about whether he will be convenient for you, it’s about whether you can be convenient for him.” Wow, quite a thought.

I spent an entire 3 hours with her and we were about to leave. Before leaving I asked, “So, what about you? Your relationship?”

“I am dating, not in a rush to get convenient, maybe I will, who knows, the important thing is to not settle till you feel ready,” she replied. We exchanged numbers and she dropped me home. We met several times after that and I am getting more comfortable in my skin.