Focus On Your Rotis, Ladies

Posted by Sushmita Singh in Society, Staff Picks
February 20, 2017

Warning: This article is evidently high on satire. Do not continue reading if you’re one of those pseudo-intellectuals. :’)

Feminism (n): The advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of equality of the sexes.

Now that I’ve cleared the basic definition of the movement that is feminism, I’m going to go ahead and flout all the feminists out there (myself, included). Hang in there, “men-haters”, this is going to be a tough ride!

India, a country with a population of over 1.252 billion (as last counted in 2011), and growing, what a fantasy land to be born in! Right?

I mean, we’ve got the Ambanis, the Birlas, the Modi(s), the Ramdev(s), the Pawar(s), the Yadavs and what/who not, to have us boast about our economy; it’s lovely!

Sure, there are a few grim national problems like poverty, homelessness, rape, domestic violence, illiteracy, corruption. But, don’t you think in a country this big and diverse, petty issues like these can be overlooked?

Come on, it’s not like we ever want to be called a developed nation. Pfft! What are we, some kind of a superpower?

As an Indian, I love my country, I love how so many sensitive jingoists and offense-takers have managed to survive around each other; that’s commendable in its own ways.

But since roughly a couple years, I have been really upset about one thing, and one thing only, in particular- What is this new feminism fad that’s been going on?

I log in on Facebook, I scroll down my news feed, and there they are- at least, two posts in favor of feminism. What the hell? For every metre off my news feed that I scroll down upon, I come across, at least, 15 posts that mention the ‘f’ word. (OH, CENSOR THE WORD ALREADY!)

Why do people have to support, or even mention such a hollow phenomenon? It’s not like it holds any importance, it’s not like we can’t survive as a species without gender equality, it’s certainly not like we women need to have a voice of our own!

So, why do we really need feminism, huh?

(I’m pretty convinced these feminists have an ulterior motive behind this movement. I’m guessing they want to kill all the men, sacrifice them to Satan, and just generally, triumph over the planet. That’s definitely it!)

Think about it for a minute, if you will… What purpose is this movement really going to serve?

What are we, women, going to do with our rights? It’s not like those rights are going to help us make the perfect, round rotis for our families. It’s not like we want to have a voice. It’s certainly not like we want to feel safe and live independently.

Come on! We love making rotis, being dominated over, feeling unsafe in any given space. It’s enticing for us. And that’s what makes us Indian women, alright!

And don’t even get me started on the rape culture that’s been talked about since the 16-December-Delhi-gangrape-case! Rape culture, it’s some made-up excuse that victims have been using so as to get sympathy.

It doesn’t really exist.

A woman walks on the sidewalk, in broad daylight, wearing a saree/bikini/burkini/jeans/nothing, all carefree (or uptight), she’s definitely sending signals all over the place! She’s asking for it. No questions asked!

How dare she, A WOMAN, walk on the street, stay at home, go to the bank, board a mode of public transportation, be born, without having it coming, at all times?

Uff! I mean, you’d expect more from someone who has been brought up in a society that teaches them to be dead way before they were born!

Another thing: what is this equal pay fairyland-nonsense?

Ladies, firstly we, as a gender, are not supposed to be working at all. So, instead of being grateful for the opportunity to work that we get, we complain about our wages? What is this, Karl Marx’s villa? Do you really expect the equality here?

So, let me put this straight for all the vagina-bearers (and over all the XX chromosomes, and the trans folks), we belong in a home and sometimes out-of-the-womb-and-tossed-right-in-a-dumpster, so we ought to make peace with whatever we have.

Shut up with this equality jama-mama! It’s totally getting out of hand. I’m hating the fact that some of the very strong, and manly gentlemen have to feel like they have to share their rights to exist and grow. It’s unfair for them!

Thank you,
A feminist who clearly doesn’t deserve to have a voice.