I overheard two of my co-passengers on a train to Delhi, talking about how arranged marriages are the best part of our Indian culture and this is being ridiculed by some families who approve love marriage of their kids. The conversation was a bitter reality which every bachelor /spinster has to face after crossing 20 years of age.
The question is, whether this type of judgmental approach towards someone’s choice of marriage is due to interference nature or is a psychological disorder which is overlooked by people? The answer lies within the question itself.
As the decision, for an Indian child, to choose his/her life partner or to stay single throughout his life is a question which is astonished for its existence.
The injection of the idea of marriage as a routine than a choice in the mind even before the umbilical cord is detached is very common in India from ages. The idea of a man or a woman to stay single throughout their lives is considered a foolish, using a strong word, a mistake. The decision is very cleverly molded in the child’s brain from infancy. In case of boys, it’s the pressure to earn a living for his family in future and for a girl to take care of her in-laws family. This type of assassination of someone’s ability to question such stereotypical ideologies is monstrous .It’s overlooked or not even paid attention that the mental stress which such kind of unnecessary decisions cause can even lead to lifelong wounds that cannot be healed with time as well. The responsibility of a parent is to guide and not to instruct .The decorous way with which the act of marriage is embodied is marvelous in its presentation. Happiness and comfort are considered to be the flowers of a successful marriage. But can these two be only achieved through marriage? This might be considered by you as an extremely judgmental piece which is totally against marriage but the question is very simple, that how a life which is unpredictable and has numerous ups and downs can be verbally destined on the basis of someone else’s experience.
Allowing a person to make decisions and to stand on his/her beliefs is limited to making career options. People are not formed to bind culture rather culture is formed to bind people. But I think this is jumbled in our case (India).The line between protecting and restricting is very thin. Is it not selfish for a parent who forces their child for an arranged marriage, in a way make their authority felt in the child’s life? The possessiveness and fear of being stranded in old age is mentally overcome by this early decision. However, if the marriage isn’t successful in the long run then the child is stranded alone to overlook the short comings and to adjust with the partner. I am not here condemning the whole idea of arrange marriage or marriage itself, rather questioning that whether the responsibility of a parent is just to obey the norms which the society follows? Is a child not worthy enough to decide what kind of a life he/she wants to lead? And why this problem is mostly seen in India where it is too difficult for parents to accept the notion that responsibility and compulsion are two different things and in between society and parents, it is the child who gets grinded.
The customs and traditions which are carried forward from generations have no meaning in their rich and ancient existence if they are only acting like a tight gripped claw entangled on our neck, with each passing day, choking the voice which is trying to speak.