Why I Am Determined To Be Married And Not Lose My Identity

Posted by somaya iqubal khan in My Story, Society
February 11, 2017

I believe in companionship and I like to share. Therefore, marriage is important to me. I don’t see marriage as a significant change or a stepping stone in my life. It won’t change me in any way, except loving my partner and adding people in my life, which I would enjoy. My goals, aspirations, determinations, purposes, likes and dislikes will remain as they are. I shall not accept an iota of change in my personality. I will continue to be the same person that I am – only stronger with the one who would believe the same. It would then be a lifetime of learning, and we shall grow together.

Having said that, I risk being termed as a ‘modern bahu‘, and even looked down upon. But neither is modernity a threat to humanity, nor is it a threat to observance. People misunderstand a woman’s empowerment as a cynical countenance of modernity. Respect, kindness, empathy are the various forms of love, and they have absolutely no connection to modernity or heritage. It is within one’s personality. As a social being, we have our fundamental units called families, and we function per se. Therefore, everything expected from me as a family member will be delivered with due respect, as long as it allows me to be myself, and not just because I am a woman. This needs to be understood by each and every one of us – by men and women alike. As I am a woman, it is not true that I have roles ascribed to me. I am a person with my own perceptions, and I define my roles, except the natural ones.

Do not misunderstand me. My beliefs shall not hinder my love – it will only make it stronger, purer, fearless and happier. I am and will remain the fierce lover, who believes love heals, and that it has magic and it does wonders. I will love like Scrat (from the “Ice Age” movies) loves his beloved acorn and would not give up even when the world is drifting apart. I will fight any circumstances to hold on to him, as long as I know his heart is loyal to mine, but not beyond my dignity and his integrity. And yes, respect is the foundation of any love and any relationship in this universe. It will keep up the charm, always.

For me, marriage is companionship, and I would be happy about it. Even if I had billions to afford a grand wedding celebration, I would not organise such a celebration. I want it to be a celebration of joy. Joy is only doubled when we share it with the ones who need it. My marriage celebration, therefore, would be with the ones who have no joys and occasions to celebrate in their lives.

It will all be plain-sailing. One day I will wake up determined and convinced with the person in my life, and with the blessings of our parents, I shall sign Nikah-Nama. And I will be married, Inshallah!

PS: Relationship status will change, but not my surname, because I will only be getting married and not losing my identity!

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