This post has been self-published on Youth Ki Awaaz by Khushi Bajaj. Just like them, anyone can publish on Youth Ki Awaaz.

‘Rape Is A Message From Patriarchy’

I will get right to the point. Rape is not supposed to be an everyday event. It is not supposed to be so common that our minds are subconsciously trained to expect it when a woman is alone on the road. Going to Mars is not an achievement when a girl can’t even walk across the road to buy a packet of biscuits without her mother getting worried.

Let’s go over the basics for a second. Rape, in layman’s term, is sexual assault, right? Wrong. Rape has nothing to do with sex. Imagine you’re watching your friend play a game of football with another guy and he loses. You smile and say, “Dude. He so raped you.” Do you mean to say that he molested you? No. You mean to say that he humiliated you. He showed you your worth. He established his dominance over you. He made you feel like you are nothing. Need I elaborate?

Rape, in no way, is a motive for sexual satisfaction. I bet it just psychologically soothes the rapists that the survivor finds them, and what they’re doing, absolutely repulsive, and rejects it again, and again.

There is a new word going around on the internet. It is ‘consensual’ sex. Like, excuse me?  It isn’t ‘consensual’ sex and ‘non-consensual’ sex. It’s sex and rape.

Like a viral, uncredited post explains, “You do not say ‘breathing swimming’ and ‘non-breathing’ swimming. You say ‘swimming’ and ‘drowning’.”

Rape is a message from patriarchy and it is terrible when it happens in a marriage. Most men in India do not understand the concept of marital rape. They’re like, “Wait. So, if I own a cake and I use it to satisfy my hunger, then that’s eating, right? Not theft.

Notice the word ‘own’? This is where the problem lies. You do not own your wife. You do not love her in exchange for a ‘yes’ every time you’re horny. She does not exist to put your roti on the stove in the morning and her body on your bed at night. She is a separate human being. And no human being, in this entire world, deserves to wake up and make tea for their rapist.

Guys. I’m going to say something. It will sound weird, but I swear it’s true. You do not have a right over your wife. It is not your haq. She has a choice of saying no. Who knew, right? Just think about how it would feel to have the father of your children force himself on you? Can you imagine standing in the police station and saying, “Please file my FIR. This man, who promised to take care of me, to love me, to protect me, he violated my sense of self. He violated me.” Sounds easy, right? Your wife is not a sex machine and you are not an animal. The ‘I do’ does not come with ‘every time you want to’.

Marital rape is punishable by law in more than 100 countries. Because, apparently,  in 100 languages, no means no.

Has anyone ever noted that Ravana never once touched Sita? It is because when he was bringing her in his palace forcefully, suddenly his wife stopped him and said, “No woman has ever entered this palace without her consent. Are you trying to prove that you are not man enough for her to want to come to you?” He sent her to Ashok Vatika and went there to woo her every day. He would sing, dance, get angry, and try to convince her to come to him. He would play musical instruments, bring her gifts, and change into gorgeous forms. Yet, Ravana didn’t touch Sita once as he never got her consent. So are you telling me that the men we live amongst are worse than the demon who we consider so evil that we attempt to burn him every year? Just something to think about.

Rape Prevention Tips

1. If you’re alone in an elevator with a woman, don’t RAPE her.
2. If you see a woman getting in her car alone in the parking lot, don’t RAPE her.
3. Carry a RAPE whistle! Every time you feel you’re about to RAPE a woman, blow it till someone comes and stops you.
4. You need to make your children aware since childhood. Don’t joke about your son breaking hearts or blow off sexual harassment as a part of growing up.
5. If you take a girl on a date and plan on raping her later, please tell her before hand. She may be taking your goodness for granted.
6. If your wife says no, don’t RAPE her.
7. You are not an animal. A girl should not need to carry a pepper spray to deal with you like she would carry a gun when dealing with a lion. If you have one ounce of self-respect, don’t RAPE her.

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Daniel Berehulak/ Getty Images
You must be to comment.
  1. Rahul Kadam

    I like your artical,but question is why would a man rape his wife? little research has focused on husband-rapists. It is, however, clear from survivors reports that it does not stem from wives withholding sex, which is the most common myth. Most women who report being raped by their husbands also report having consensual sexual intercourse. Researchers who have spoken with husband-rapists conclude that husband-rapists rape to reinforce their power or control over their wives or families, or to express anger. Stereotypes about women and sex such as: “women enjoy forced sex” “women say no when they really mean yes” or “it’s a wife’s duty to have sex” continue to be reinforced in our culture through both mainstream and pornographic media. Such messages not only mislead men into believing that they should ignore a woman’s protests. They also mislead women into believing that they must have “sent the wrong signals” blaming themselves for unwanted sexual encounters, or believing that they are “bad wives” for not enjoying sex against their will.

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Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

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The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

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As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

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