‘Using Condoms Is Haram In Islam’ And Other Sex-Related Myths I Grew Up With

Posted by shahamat Hussain in Sex
February 9, 2017
Editor’s note: This story is in response to Youth Ki Awaaz’s topic for this week – #LetsTalkSex to talk about the misconceptions about sex and sexuality we grow up with because of a lack of awareness and education. If you have an experience to share, write to us here.

No, we do not talk about sex. We have been brought up with tehzeeb (refinement) which is limited and trivial in the context of sex. My friends once told me, “You have to have sex with your wife on the first day of marriage, if not, the following reception after nikkah (marriage ceremony in Islam) will be haram (prohibited).” I have been hearing this myth since my childhood. Of course, I can’t talk about it at home or with a mullah (a Muslim priest) but I had to find out about it before I got married.

I certainly do not want to have sex on the first day. I want to know my wife, I want to know what she likes or maybe I want to use condoms before I plan for the baby. But wait, isn’t using condoms haram in Islam? That was another myth I grew up with. It’s alright to use one, it’s a choice, just like any other thing on the planet.

My sister often does not want to go to school in “those days”. She just tell us I’m having a stomach pain. Saying “periods” is way out of tehzeeb but why not if you are suffering? We all can be nice and supportive. If the comfort is not built at home where else will it be?

Recently, I read a post on my Facebook news feed, “Masturbation is cool but not stalking a girl.” Masturbation is something normal as many doctors and psychologists say. There is a bane and boon to it. When I was growing up, I heard one of the elders saying, masturbation is haram (prohibited) in Islam. Why, I had never mustered the courage to ask. But, who doesn’t masturbate?

I wanted to dig into it so I asked a maulavi (a Muslim priest) and he told me “When you masturbate, you imagine a person having sex with you, why do you have to imagine wrong things about a woman when you can marry one.” Was I convinced with the answer, I do not know but. But, what he said next to me was a little outrageous, “Masturbation leads to memory loss,” and I thought to myself if that were the case half of the men in the world would be suffering from short term memory loss.

I knew a family, where a boy came out about his sexuality. As most of the religions do not tolerate homosexuality he was terrified and misunderstood the same. Parents thought he was abnormal and was taken to the doctor and mullahs rather than properly understanding the scenario. He absconded. I am still unsure if the parents needed to be educated or the person I knew?

Anal sex is forbidden. Not just in Islam but in many religions. Reasons can be constructed using your imagination and all the logic in the world. One of the myth I heard about it was “When you have anal sex with your wife, your marriage becomes haraam.” I consulted again a maulavi I knew, he shut my myth annoyingly saying, “No, but it’s recommended to not have sex like that.”

Watching porn is not a good habit. What I have encountered in porn is not real. Porn is sheer imagination which is not possible in real life scenarios. Many specialists have suggested not to watch porn as it hampers sex life. Can we educate children about these things in school and within the family rather than them drawing their knowledge from it?

In the world where we see child abusers and continuous rapes. It is necessary to educate a child about the same. They should be stopped from jumping to conclusions and children of every age should be explained about sex. It is necessary to teach them about bad touch. If we don’t do it the child may never understand that what happened was wrong.

I’m thankful to my parents for instilling in us the value of respect towards each other. However, I still wish that we were talked to about sex in the family. I don’t mean going into the gory details but drawing a line and talking about it in a proper fashion. That would have made life much easier.

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