The Night I Questioned

Posted by Paranjaya Mehra
February 21, 2017

NOTE: This post has been self-published by the author. Anyone can write on Youth Ki Awaaz.

It was dark, both inside and outside. Outside lay the horror of the night. Inside, within me were hiding my demons.

“Why don’t you just go to sleep?” asked mom at 4am in the morning. I couldn’t dare enough to tell the most beautiful angel in my life that I was fighting my demons. I blamed it on insomnia. Hearing my reply, mom went away, a little frustrated. I broke down the moment she left.

Why is it so difficult for someone to see that I have been doing so much for them. Why do they fail to reciprocate? Why am I expected to change and not accepted for being who I am? Why someone’s absence or presence in my life depends on me a little more in shape, a lot more sexier, a lot more beautiful, little less talkative, little more as per societal norms. Ever cared to judge my heart before my body? I doubt. Why today a beautiful face has all the acceptance and a beautiful heart struggles for the same? Why do we want people to stay even when it’s so difficult for us to constantly remind them that they matter? Why do we want somebody to believe on what we never speak or express?

There they were. My heart was shouting these questions loudly. Loud enough to leave my world shaken yet mute enough to be heard by anybody.  Why do my questions not deserve an answer? Was anybody even interested in hearing? Why do my questions not deserve an answer?

Today, it’s a game of tactics. You make people want to love you by not loving them too much. You make people want to know you by not telling them too much. You make people want to care for you by not caring for them too much. You make people realise that you exist by totally over shadowing their existence. To rise in your own eyes, you make people fall on the ground. To be a somebody, you make people a nobody. That’s a wicked game all of us knowingly or unknowingly play.

May be at the end of this game, the day I will see the bright shining light, I’ll figure my answers.

कल तक मेरे हर सवाल का जवाब तू था,

आज हर जवाब पर सवाल तू है।

Youth Ki Awaaz is an open platform where anybody can publish. This post does not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions.