Hiding behind “I am Fine”

Posted by somaya iqubal khan
March 11, 2017

NOTE: This post has been self-published by the author. Anyone can write on Youth Ki Awaaz.


The world is changing, people are getting aware of various issues and one is the anxiety disorder, a severe form of depression. It is disabling and leaves you very alone.

Of course, we have support, we have people who loves us unconditionally, who are there for us in every minute of our needs but the pain of needing someone all the time is also a pain and pushing us towards chronic depression. Ever asked a person disabled with anxiety how depressing it feels to become needy and dependent, it demolishes one’s amour proper self-respect, self-worth).

As we now know, that when someone gets panic attack or an anxiety episode, we calm them, we hug them, we assure them that yes, we are there and nothing has happened, things will be fine. We are there to protect them from the triggers, show affection to restore their confidence, build their self esteem and so on. But how many times can someone seek help, ask for support, expect people to understand and still stay confident. When the storm recedes and the lights are gone, what after that, when people around you are done with extending help and support and a time comes when the patients themselves withdraw, create distance and stop sharing. They suffer in silent and that silence becomes the problem, one can cope up with their anxiety but coping up with that silence only pushes them to worst.

They will respond to your, “how are you feeling” with honesty for once and after that, they will answer the same thing, “I am fine”. Because with constant query on ‘how they are feeling’ makes them feel guilty about themselves and that is when they start hiding behind “nothing”, “I am fine”, “All okay”.

When the monotony of hide and seek, need and exigency creeps into an intimate relationship, who should one blame when the charm and happy spark of the relationship fades. Imagine a situation,

“I am suffering from anxiety, I have almost all kinds of phobia, I am scared to move out, stay alone, travel alone, claustrophobic and I even cry without reason, I have psychosomatic pains in my body and I am also hypochondriac which worsens the pain.”

How does one maintain any kind of relationship, and how do they expect people to keep up with them. Talking about romantic relationship, where do we find a place for romance in such a situation, one can understand you for a period of time but with time and time, that understanding might appear like a curse, the other person might feel like running away from the person in need and it is not the fault, none of them. Because when two people come into a relationship, they subconsciously seek something from each other, happiness in most of the cases. But a person with anxiety might not be capable enough to give happiness to someone all the time, might not share the same zest and enthusiasm for life, and that is when relationship breaks, lack of fulfillment of expectations.

A person with anxiety can be selfish, unreasonable, they can be cold and behave as if nothing matters, they are prone to run away from things, run away from people and situations. Their erratic behavior might not be justified but that is how the inner monster forces them to behave, it is a disability which needs love and not judgment.

I do not know the purpose of this article, it is a question, it is an answer or it can also be a self analysis. One can differ, agree or ignore. But one thing, on the behalf of people who are suffering from this situation, I would request people to understand their need in such a way that they do not feel it is their need. Love them in such a way that it is not obvious how difficult it is to love them. And never associate yourself at the first place to such people where you know you might not be able to take the pain, other side of the person.

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