My relationship status has always been the most confusing thing of my life. Be it my relationship with a distant uncle, or my broken marriage. After breaking out of my marriage I was all set to be the single for the rest of my life. Travel, work, friends and family had become the core of my life. I stayed away from prospective men around me.
I was in my late twenties and life seemed so good without men. I kept telling my friends that we need men just for sex and nothing else. Some thought I was ‘swinging the other way’, and others thought life has made me this rigid. Then at 30, I suddenly realised something was missing. It was not love but a feeling of being together with someone. It was the feeling of holding hands and spending life together, not like lovers but like soulmates.
Once, at a musical evening, I saw a man in his late 30s or early 40s, semi-formally dressed and with a camera. I thought he must be covering the evening for a media outlet. All my friends and colleagues were well acquainted with him. That was when we spoke for the first time. We got connected over Facebook and spoke once in while. We both were crazy about travelling, specially to the hills. Even if we did not speak, we used to share photographs with each other whenever we travelled.
One day, a friend told me that she had a date and insisted me on joining her. That was ridiculous. First I asked her about the guy. He was the same guy I’d met, and thus I refused to go. But then she somehow convinced me that it was not a date. She said it was just a meeting over drinks. But from my friend’s excitement, it was evident that she liked this man. I joined them, but gave them enough space.
Meanwhile the man and I were pretty conversant with each other. I then came to know from my friend that she wanted to get back with her boyfriend, and wasn’t actually interested in this man. Like I mentioned earlier, relationships have always been very confusing for me.
Then, the man and I started chatting once a week, twice a week, daily and then many times a day. I liked talking to him. He was smart, intelligent and photography was his passion. Is this how a love story begins? We met a couple of times – to watch movies, plays, listen to music or get coffee. We had endless chats, and the best thing to exchange – our travel photographs.
Then the day came when he officially asked me out for a date. We went to a pub and spoke about everything. My past relationships, his past relationships and also about us being together. I was completely sloshed that night and the only thing I remember was him saying is “I love you” when he kissed me on my forehead. That was the last time we met alone.
That was the day I again fell in love with someone again, without being with him. After that we never spoke much and he distinctly avoided me. He even travelled with some of my friends. One day, without any second thought, I asked him why we were not together and his answer was, “I cant be in a relationship with a separated woman.”