Reliving the experience will be difficult. Putting this in words will also be.
But I have to do this. For the sake of all the other women who are out there struggling.
The thing about experiencing mental harassment after marriage is that most people discredit it as ‘harassment’ actually. “It is just a fight between husband and wife,” is the standard excuse.
“You need to make your marriage work.”
“You need to adjust.”
“Every marriage needs to have compromises and sacrifices.”
“You need to adopt their ways.”
“In their roof you need to follow their rules.”
It is painful to come out your comfort zone, leave your safe haven and walk on unchartered territory.
The problem has been stemming from upbringing of girls themselves. They have been groomed to believe that their destiny is someone else’s ownership. Once that ownership changes hands, the property is then transferred and the treatment changes again. They are groomed in a manner that would eventually suit the needs of the husband.
This medieval upbringing of girls needs to stop. It needs to stop right now.
We are human beings for God’s sake, not products being prepared for sale.
I was lucky enough to not be brought up like that, but unfortunately where I got married, the upbringing has been medieval. Educated Indians are still expecting a maid in the name of a daughter-in-law. Why do you want a maid? Don’t you have one already?
Dear Mother-in-law, why did you hate me so much? Why did you hate my guts to stand up for myself? Why did you hate me day and night and go tell stories to my husband so that he could hate me as well? Why did you torment me with your words? Why did you never make me feel like I was a family member? Why was I not worthy of respect?
Dear Husband, why was I not worthy of respect in your eyes? Why is it that everything I did was never enough for you? Why didn’t you have faith in me? Why didn’t you treat me as your equal?
I would have ignored everything, adjusted and compromised. I would have made sacrifices. I would have gone to the depths of the earth, if only you had given me the respect that I deserve.
Women you need to get out this kind of relationship. You need to stand up for yourself.
Dear mother-in-law, did you really think that I got all this education, worked in the best places, was raised by my parents and family as a thinking individual, so that you could bully me and abuse me this way?
Don’t forget yourself my precious souls. You are beautiful. You are worthy. Get the courage to make the hard decision. If you are angry, use that anger to stand up on your feet. We need to challenge ourselves if we need to change the society. This is the sacrifice we need to make, not the sacrifice of dignity. If your families do not support you, fight, fight for your existence. Seek external help. Don’t wait for a day when things are not in control anymore.
I can feel your tears. You can do this.