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The Perks Of Dating A Feminist Man

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I have dated multiple boys in the past and could never stick around beyond two and a half months. I had patronising boyfriends and ones who thought that they were doing me a favour by dating me. I had misogynist boyfriends and ones who even hit me.

A year ago, I started dating this guy from college and we are about to complete a year of being together soon.

I kept wondering how I had went from not being able to stick to a boy to dating someone for a year so easily. I used to think I was “bored” of the guys.

It has been a year – it took me a year to realise that I wasn’t bored of those boys. I was just not dating someone who would treat me as an equal. My boyfriend is my senior and I know that I have fallen in love with him (wow, cannot believe I am making a public announcement).

I have understood why I could maintain this relationship unlike the ones before. This is because (surprise!!!!) he is a feminist. So, I now present a few perks of dating a feminist boyfriend.

Reason 1- He treats you as his equal.

A feminist boyfriend treats you as his equal. He doesn’t think your gender is any reason for you to be beneath him or any other male on the earth. He takes your advice into consideration and doesn’t treat them like trash simply because they are coming from you.

He won’t consider it beneath him if you want to pay for a date, or if you earn more than him or if you have a better job. He will be proud of you.

Reason 2- He respects your boundaries.

A feminist boyfriend will respect your boundaries – whatever they might be. He will never exceed his limits and always make sure you are comfortable and that he has permission before he tries to do anything with you.

He will always ask for your consent before doing anything sexual with you. A no is a no for him.

Reason 3 – He will not treat you like property.

You are not his “maal” or “item”. You are his girlfriend and he respects you for being there for him and by his side. He doesn’t date you because you look beautiful or you have a body which society covets.

He is dating you because he wants to be with you, and not your body.

Reason 4- He will not be violent, both physically and emotionally.

A lot of girls go through abuse at the hands of their boyfriends. You do not have to worry about this one going down the same path. A feminist will never raise their hand on you. They will not make you feel bad about yourself.

A feminist would not blame you for the bad things that happen to you. They will support you through your bad times, and not be a reason for them.

Reason 5 – He doesn’t care about whether you have body hair or not.

This is an amazing benefit – simply because he understands the meaning of the word “choice” and won’t be concerned about whether you have body hair or not because it is not his body but yours. He will not interfere with your decision to shave or not to shave.

He won’t make a fuss if you haven’t shaved your pubic region, or whether you have shaved part of it and have left part of it. This body hair removal is something a lot of females do under peer pressure and a feminist realises that.

Reason 6 – He won’t slut shame you or any of your friends.

Had multiple relationships in the past? Had no relationships in the past? Doesn’t matter for this guy because your past is your own and he has no objections whatsoever to how you’ve been in the past.

While it is true that he might have criteria of monogamous relationship after you start dating but he won’t judge you if you haven’t been monogamous before. He will not slut shame you or your friends, if they drink, smoke or wear short clothes or sleep with multiple people. He knows that it is hypocritical to not allow women the same privileges as men.

Reason 7- He doesn’t make sexist comments and arguments.

He will not ask you if you are on your period or PMSing if you are angry. Instead, he realises that everyone gets angry in a while for legitimate reasons. Sexist comments like these are a strict no-no for a feminist.

He doesn’t make them himself and if you do it, he will point that out too. He doesn’t use sexist swear-words and doesn’t think being called gay or a woman is an insult.

Feminist men are amazing. I happen to be in love with one of them and consider myself most fortunate that he loves me back. Here’s some unsolicited advice – I would suggest dating a feminist. They are rare and they are gems.

I want to say thank you to all of the feminist men. For standing up for us and for making us feel that we are not alone!

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  1. Muhammed Yaseen Harris

    It’s sad that this isn’t a given. That being decent is something that is praised. No girl would be given a second thought if she treated a guy like this. The patriarchy is so deep in the system.

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Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

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A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

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Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

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