The Grey Side

Posted by Abhilasha
March 7, 2017

NOTE: This post has been self-published by the author. Anyone can write on Youth Ki Awaaz.

Why do we get raped? Why do we face any violence against us for that matter? Is it because of the way we dress up? Is it because we walk out alone at unsafe places? Is it because we dare to take a bus at 9pm on a busy road with a friend? Or is it because we find ourselves brave enough to board a taxi alone in the daylight?

How would appealing to Salman Khan, Shahrukh Khan, Amir Khan or Amitabh Bachchan or even Narendra Modi protect us? All Bollywood celebrities may talk about it more in their movies or on TV shows. Salman might dedicate an episode of Big Boss on women safety, like Amir has already done in Satyamev Jayate. And how are they going to protect us? Amitabh might just say a few lines while beginning the season of Kaun Banega Crorepati and our beloved prime minister might ban a few more things for women safety in our country. But is that the solution we are looking for?

We need a permanent solution for this. If we are getting raped then we are supposed to take the responsibility. You, the mother of the rape victim, why can’t you take this responsibility? You the father of the rapist, why can’t you take the responsibility. And you, yes you! The one reading this. Why can’t you take the responsibility?

We write hate status messages for the system on our Facebook page. We criticize our government for the rapes, the murders, the dowry deaths and female foeticides. But what are we doing about all this? We talk about women safety, we talk about their freedom. But how are we upbringing our daughters? We talk about the bad effects of patriarchy; we talk about the possible punishments for the rapists. But how are we upbringing our sons?

How many of you are okay with your daughters going out for a late night party? How many of you have a problem when your son doesn’t tell you where he was last night? Our society never teaches the sons not to rape. But they definitely teach daughters not to get raped. We stop our daughters to step out of the house after 9 so that they don’t get raped. Why can’t we stop our sons to get out of the closed doors so that they don’t rape?

RAPE! DOWRY! PHYSICAL VIOLENCE! Big issues, right? So we talk about them. We support the girls facing these major problems. But there’s a minor problem too. A grey shade! The shade which is neither so white that we can look up to them, nor so black that we can hate them. And this grey shade is happily accepted by our society.

70% of our women face some form of violence in their lifetime. Whoa! That’s a huge number, isn’t it? But why isn’t it bothering us? Girls asked this question several times in the past few years to themselves. They got a few answers, however, were unable to tell it to the world. And that’s because of the following reasons:

Parents always taught their daughters to ignore such reasons to live happily ever after. I read a lot of heroic stories of women who came out of bad marriages. Again the marriages which are termed bad are the ones which have mostly physical violence involved. For example:

Your husband drinks and hits you. Your husband has an extra-marital affair and hits you. You in laws hit you or torture you for dowry. Your in-laws and husband hit you for having a girl child.

Now, these are quite strong reasons to be told to the world and walk out of a marriage. Though they were days when women were supposed to drag their marriages even with these reasons, these days society has started accepting them and you are free to come out of it. So for these women violence ends here. But then how’s the figure going up to 70%? Who are the ones who are still facing the violence? Is the violence against them even considered as “violence”?

I hear about the NGOs and the women organizations working against the violence against women. And the following are considered violence:

Acid Attacks, Murders, Rapes, Dowry Deaths and Female Foeticide.
For us the world is either black or white. The ones, who ask for dowry, who drink and hit women, who kill daughters, the rapists, the acid attackers and the murderers are all black and so we hate them, fight against them. And the ones who love their daughters, who are not dowry hungry, who don’t drink, who don’t hit their women, who has never gone to the extent of throwing acid on a women, are all whites and we love them. But why are we blind towards those grey shades of our society?
The grey shades which include:
• husbands who don’t hit but abuse verbally
• in-laws who don’t ask for dowry but make their daughter in laws work like a maid day and night
• parents who love their daughters but not there freedom
• mother in laws who want you to follow each and every word she utters or makes your life hell emotionally
• boys on the streets who don’t rape you physically but rape you verbally
• so called lovers who don’t throw acid on you but make sure your life burns like an acid
• people who don’t murder you for being a girl in your mother’s womb but make you die each day by implying restrictions on you
These grey shades in our society don’t let a women live and the norms of our society doesn’t let the lady die. I mean you can’t give such reasons to walk out of a marriage because unlike the typical “bad”marriages, these marriages aren’t harming you physically. You can’t complain against those boys who tease you while going to college because they aren’t raping you. You can’t dare to come out of the restrictions because those are made to protect you. But give it a thought people. These marriages, these restrictions and these minor problems are killing these women, trapped in it, mentally.
These examples can be seen mostly in the middle class families. These families find it a pride in the society to educate their daughter’s so they do. But, when it comes to their freedom, they have the same old age traditional beliefs. If your daughter complaints about eve teasing, you are the ones who finds out the fault in her dress, her behavior or even in her character. If a girl wants to be independent without getting married, your loser mind and even more loser society starts coming out with speculations like she might be a lesbian or something.
On the other hand a middle class groom’s family is also proud to get an equally qualified bride for their boy. But the irony is that they want this girl who has worked day and night to get a similar degree that their sons flaunt, to work like a maid for them, to stop using her brains the day she gets married, to agree to her mother in laws views without questioning.
You know killing someone physically is a crime so you hate them. Then why is a woman supposed to love such people who are killing her individuality, killing her beliefs, her habits and her whole existence? Why is she termed as a “home-breaker” or a “no-respect-for-in-laws” and even a “valueless woman” in our society? Why is she supposed to adopt the way her in laws sit, stand, eat and worship as soon as she gets married and just drop the way her parents taught her to be? Why does everything she has learnt from her parents so far become absolutely useless in just one day?
The time to change the way we thing has come. The need of a new thought is today. the world demands a change, be that change. Think about it.

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