I have often thought of writing about this. And thought and waited long enough now. Spoke to an ex-colleague today after 2-3 years. This person gave me unsolicited advice on how I should take up an “easy” job now.
I address this to anyone and everyone outside my family, irrespective of gender, who consider themselves eligible, for no logical reason whatsoever, to say the following things to me.
1. You should slow down now. Don’t travel so much. Don’t work so hard. Don’t work such long hours. You are married now.
Have you ever said the same thing to a guy? None of my guy friends have ever had to hear this. You are insulting all the hard work that I have put in to reach here in 27 years and bundled me into one box – that of a married woman. I am more and I will continue to be much more.
2. When are you planning on starting a family? When is the good news?
None of your effing business. Unless you are going to pay for the kid’s care and education. No, it isn’t a casual question. It is a personal question that two (and ONLY two) people have the right to talk and decide about.
3. Doesn’t Sriram mind you working long hours?
Now you are insulting a sensible man who understands that I am staying late because there is a need to and because it is important. Just like I know when he has to work late. That is how supportive sensible people behave. Many do not understand the phrase, of course. I am sorry for your partner if you are a pain every time he/she has to work late.
4. You are travelling? Are there guys too? Doesn’t Sriram mind?
If he had to mind, how does it matter – guy or girl? I could be homosexual or bisexual too, no?
5. You are working late. How will your husband manage dinner?
OR
Your husband made dinner. Teeheehee. Poor guy. You make him do household chores.
I married an adult. An adult who can take care of himself, manage our home and can cook dinner for both of us if need be. Just like I can. We have a hired cook. And we both cook together when we feel like it. Both of us wash clothes, utensils, do cleaning, dusting, shopping and whatever needs to be done. There are no gender specific roles in our house. Guess that doesn’t make sense to most. Because patriarchy.
So if this post made you think of something similar you said to me or another girl and are wondering if it was offensive, YES it was. Is it annoying? Very much.