“I Say it because I want you to improve”
It was once a sentence, now it’s a trend. The most hurting concern ever. The most painful justification ever.
When a child is born, s/he has only and only two essential and important human beings in the world, his caregivers, his parents. He look up to them for everything, I mean EVERYTHING. To him, no one matters except his own parents. They care him, they grow him and acknowledge him of the world awaiting outside.
In no time, he actually understands the world outside isn’t a pleasant place, too confusing and beyond his understanding. Leaving with only one way of understanding the battle to which he will be one day sent, he starts observing his parent’s remark, their reactions and their attitude towards his every action as way to understand what is right and wrong. While this learning is going, something beneath the skin goes on too.
He starts learning about himself, his image by the reflection he sees of him in the eyes of his dearest ones. He starts accepting and understanding the way his parents respond. If been loved and accepted, he will develop an accepting attitude towards himself or else will start being someone else in order to get accepted and loved.
“Parents will never do bad for their kids; and will also do everything that they can to nourish and maintain the comfort of their kids” in India, it is the most accepted hypothesis, I mean it is a “Fact”. But while having a deep understanding of this fact, maximum of the elders have started believing that kids don’t understand and hurt their parents. A very simple question “Why will they?” when all they have is one set of parents, why will they hurt them? (yes not everyone can be measured through the same scale. And yet not everyone should be measured from the same scale)
I’m yet not a parent, and not even too mature to comment or justify or improve anybody; but I am grown up enough to realize that when I do something good or bad, I look at my parents and all what matters to me is there happiness, without a doubt. And there are times when I rebel, that is because I find myself lacking of understanding that I demand from my parents.
It would not take much time to realize, that a child feels alone, accomplished and happy not when he actually achieves something according to society, but by the way his parents look at him. A child will always look into the eyes of his parents to see where he stands in life, to see what has he achieved and to find Peace.
Most of the parents discourage and scold their kids in order to improve them, in order to make them suffer less in life, in order to get accepted in the society with the most honorable status. That is right, it has right intentions, but what is not right is forgetting to appreciate. No one gets spoiled by appreciation, appreciation only and only encourages. Being strict is right at times, not all times. And the most noticeable fact is, it never hurts when teacher scolds, it hurts when parents do. The one who is dear, gets the authority of any hurt or love.
Acceptance and improvement is an option, it exists and it works far better than any other way to tackle kids. No material will ever fill the void of an empty hard and a lonely child, except the warmth of a parent. A child needs his parents more, than a parent needs the child.