In conversation with the students of class 4th.

April 12, 2017

NOTE: This post has been self-published by the author. Anyone can write on Youth Ki Awaaz.

What is that one thing that you would like to share with your parents ? Write them down in the postcard anonymously ?

Didi, my parents fight a lot. What to do?

Yes didi, I have the same problem. At times they fight the whole night. I really get scared when they fight. Please tell me what should I do at that time?

200 out of 250 students had the same thing to say.

We discussed the problem with Dr. Deepali Batra, Child Psychologist, Delhi to understand the impact of parent’s behavior on children.

She explained how parents are the role models for children during growing age and when a child witness their negative behavior traits, it leaves the impact for the whole life. Lack of concentration, anxiety, social withdrawal and hostility are few of the short-term effects on children.

Every couple has some conflict but it is hard for a child to understand the same. Parents need to be aware of their behavior in front of the kids. They should avoid fighting in front of them.

Few articles that could be of help to understand the effects in detail are :

Pratibha, I want to share something very important about parenting. This may sound very simple but I have studied that it impacts the children a lot.

Parents should always represent as “WE” in front of their kids. Please give an example mam. When a family goes to a mall on Sunday evening, the child seeing a toy,starts to demand for the same. The mother simply tells no. We got you one last week itself, today you are not going to get one. The kid starts to cry and at times become stubborn for the same. The father interfere at that moment and says.. “ Accha baba rona band karo, chalo dila deta hun.” (Just stop crying. Come, I will buy you one). The mother try to explain him that, he/she already has enough at home and doesn’t need this one. But he doesn’t listen to her and buy him/her a toy. The kid gets the signal of conflict between them. Subconsciously, he gets that they don’t agree to a point. Kids are very smart these Pratibha. Once they understand it, they utilize the same for their own benefit. It is also not healthy for them.

So mam, what could have they done? They should respect each other’s decision in front of their kids. They should have said, we have decided that you will not get a toy today. We will buy you one next month. They should stick to their decision irrespective of what the kid says and behave.

There are times when couples humiliate each other in front of kids. I have heard many couple saying to their partner “ tumhe to baccha sambhalana bhi nahi ata, tum aur kya kam accha karogi .” (you don’t even know how to take care of kids, what else you could do good). This is not healthy for kids. The important point here is the respect. The parents should respect each other in front of their kids.

Pratibha, I would like to share one more point here. Usually, both the parents give different instructions to kids and it’s very confusing for them. It is not healthy for their brain development either. For example, one will say, wake up and get ready. It is the time for the school. While another one will say, let the child sleep. “ Kya hoga ek din school nahi jayega tho” (What will happen, if he will miss a day of school).

This again gives the signal of conflict to the child. For parents, it is very normal but the kids get confused whom to listen? It is not healthy for them.

Dr. Deepali Batra summarized it beautifully :

1. Please don’t fight with each other in front of kids.
2. Respect each other.
3. Always present as “we” to them.
4. Always give a single set of instructions to them.

Pratibha, if parents could take care of these small things, life will be beautiful & healthy for their children.

Thank you mam



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