The college bus started back at 4 pm from the college premises to take all the students back to their homes. ‘’HOME’’ a much loved place for most of you but wasn’t the case with me. My house was around 6 kms away from my college and it took the bus not more than 45 minutes to drop me back there.
Every day I used to sit on the bus at 3.45pm and wished it took a bit longer than usual to drop me back home. I remember one day the bus tyre had busted and we were stuck in the middle of the road. Everyone had started yelling at the driver and calling up their places to inform about their late arrival.
But here was I, totally happy at the thought of being late at home. I was sitting in the second last seat on the window side looking out there in the sky and praying I wish the day ends here only. I was least concerned about the solution to get off the problem.
It was 2010 and I had just took admission to a local college for the course that is believed to make anyone successful called as ‘B.tech’. The first thing that killed me every day was my failure to make it to the so-called prestigious institutes. The second was a missing COLLEGE and HOSTEL life.
Six months before college I had been boarding the school bus everyday from past 14 years and now, I was boarding the college bus exactly from the same place. Yeah, life seemed to be pretty fucked up.
And to add to my agony, I could find ‘’gali-wale’’ my neighborhood people coming and waving me goodbye every day to my college. Pretty cool!! On top of that, I had many friends who had left their hometown to far off places to pursue the same course. And the biggest reason of my heartache was their updates on Facebook which said ‘’ Leaving for Bangalore tomorrow, Wish me luck’. There I was reading the status with tears rolling down my cheeks, heart filled with jealousy and a constant thought to run away from my home.
When you are in such a condition, no one including your parents can share the pain. Yes, no one. I had months of sleepless nights, huge black circles under my eyes and all I would do the entire night was to cry, sob and cry bit more till my eyes said no more.
As a result of this, I had gained a lot more weight, my hormones got totally imbalanced and all I could emit was negativity. There was not a single comforting ear to my thoughts, pain, and words. I had been a timid child so I couldn’t dare to commit suicide. Despite the never-ending thoughts of suicide, I was really scared at the pain of it. So, there I was waiting for the doomsday as if the world should end right now.
Although things haven’t been my way and but there was something called as depression that had slowly made a big place in my life. Yes, it may seem foolish for many of you that I went into depression just because of a college. But, dude, I tell you, it is true. When you are bound by pressure from your parents, peers, society to achieve BIG else you will be a failure all your life then depression is destined to happen.
Another big mistake that I did during that period was visiting astrologers and asking about my future. I tell you, never do you visit an astrologer no matter how much things are curled up. They are simply going to screw you up. I have been to many and none of them had ever said a good word about me. Even today, my mother tells me you are having a bad astrological period. And I am like really? When has it been good?
In India with Indian parents who claim to love you more than anyone else, you aren’t allowed to take your own decisions even after you have become a parent.
I still remember Sharma Ji living next to my place who had committed suicide just because his 105-year-old father dictated him his decisions day and night.
As a result of all these situations, I had completely turned into a rebellious child who couldn’t spend even a single peaceful moment with his family, had no friends and was completely screwed.
So, what next?
But like every bad thing and every horror night, my depression had to end too.
One fine day probably ‘fine’ than other bad ones when a senior guy of my college came to me and told me about a youth workshop happening in the college itself. He told me the workshop is loaded with amazing activities for youth, a lot of interactive sessions and a lot more. Being logical minded, my first question was so, why should I do this? I am a perfect person (though only on the outside, on the inside I was mad).
He also mentioned about ‘meditation’ factor in the course hearing which I yelled at him.. What do you think? Am I planning to become a babba or what? You dare not show me your face again.
I don’t know how but yes, I did made it to that mediation and fun workshop. And that was the turning point in my life, career, relationships and everything you name.
There is a lot I that I learned from the workshop which would take me another article to pen down.
But if you are suffering from depression or find anyone of your friend in such a state. I tell you, no doctor, no medicine, and no airy-fairy words can save you. Meditation is the key to every happiness and success in this world or the other world.
I am a happy go lucky person now who loves to write, dance, sing, hang out with friends, discover new ideas, spend time doing gardening, painting and a lot more.
Today, my schedule is no less busy than a celebrity. I meditate, go to the gym, office, cook, social networking, teach meditation, go out for a walk, watch the birds fly, study for my masters’ exam, freelance, travel every weekend and a hell lot more of work.
Today, I can easily smile away on all the problems that come across. I remember those days when someone used to blow a loud horn at the traffic lights and I literally used to get off my vehicle and yell at them. This was the rebellious me.
And today, I simply smile..
No matter where I am and how busy I am, I don’t forget to spend 30 minutes with me. The ME moments.. the time for my meditation. Meditation has taught me to love thyself, believe in thyself and the world lies at your feet. I could discover the real me. In fact, I discover the NEW ME everyday. Life is no less than a celebration now.
Being a frequent traveler, I have even meditated on places like airport, trains, platforms, car, bus stand and almost everywhere. When you don’t skip your meals despite a hell busy schedule, then why to skip meditation?
Learn to meditate and blow off all your problems.
Now, the past doesn’t horrify me, the future doesn’t terrify me
but the present moment does keep me excited every now and then!!