I met Malini and her husband Ramesh for the first time when I was working as a psychological counsellor. Back then, Malini had one of the rarest reasons to be suffering from depression.
At the age of 13, Malini had her first periods. Many physical changes occur in a girl’s body when it first enters into a menstrual cycle. This is human anatomy.
Malini was a slim girl with an average build and small breast-size. Now, the gaining of body weight (or not) and the size of breasts all depends upon age, hormones, genes, exercise, breast-feeding and body weight
This is what science informs us. But these days, a girl’s ‘beauty’ is equated only to her ‘appearance’ – something which is mostly beyond human control.
Despite being a foodie, Malini never gained weight. On the contrary, she used to lead a healthy and energetic lifestyle. At 21, she got a job in the corporate sector and turned into a young, hardworking and confident girl.
However, while walking on the streets or wearing designer clothes, Malini used to feel upset because she felt that she didn’t look as attractive or appealing as the other girls due to her small breast-size.
One day, she discussed this with her mother, who told her that this was natural and not to get depressed about this. But Malini feared that she would attract boys only if she had a ‘good figure’ and a large breast-size. So, she googled and tried using ‘home remedies’ to increase her breast-size. When these remedies did not show the desired results, she used several ointments which had side-effects. In short, nothing seemed to work.
Malini went into depression. She wanted to have a ‘good figure’. But Malini’s mother told her that her lover would accept her the way she is, and still find her beautiful.
One day, Malini’s friends suggested her to wear wired-cuffed bras available in the market. Malini started wearing these bras and walked with confidence.
But, working for 12 hours a day while wearing a wired bra hurt her badly. After two years, she started suffering from severe shoulder pain, breast pain, fatigue and breathlessness.
She bore all kinds of pain and suffering, just to impress and attract others. Moreover, she did not stop wearing the bras.
At 24, Malini married Ramesh. She was happy with her married life. However, when it came to sex, Ramesh was not satisfied at all. To compensate, Malini took him to many romantic places. She was the perfect wife – loving, caring, understanding, supporting – but all in vain.
Gradually, Ramesh started avoiding Malini. They also stopped having sex. Once again, Malini went into depression. One day, a teary-eyed Malini asked Ramesh if he had lost interest in her body, or whether he had found another girl in my life.
Ramesh replied, “Oh no, my love – I do love you and I don’t have anyone else in my life. But you have small-sized breasts and I don’t enjoy having sex with you.”
A sad Malini consulted gynaecologists to save and restore her sexual life. They said that things would change when she became pregnant and started breast-feeding. The doctors even suggested psychological counselling for her husband.
At 26, Malini delivered her first baby. But, she wasn’t able to breastfeed her child, because her breasts could not produce milk. This was mainly due to her use of padded bras for a prolonged period.
Malini is still suffering from depression.
Being a psychological counsellor and a graduate in the medical sciences, I have the following recommendations:
1. Please do not harm or hurt your own body to impress others
2. Just be the way you are
3. Fall in love with yourself first – worship your body and praise it for the way it is. Then see how others fall in love with you
4. Be the change you want to see in the world. Always remember that society starts with you
5. Stop wearing wired, padded, cuffed bras immediately. They harm your body – very badly indeed
6. Boys who truly love you will accept you the way you are and find you perfect
Till then, keep falling in love with yourself!
The names of the persons concerned have been changed.
Image used for representative purposes only.