My Untold Love Story……# How I Chose Self Respect Over My Love….. He proposed me and I believed in him until the truth came in front of me and that’s how I lost faith from love forever…..

Posted by Nishika R. Saxena
April 8, 2017

NOTE: This post has been self-published by the author. Anyone can write on Youth Ki Awaaz.

14th Jan 2010 : 1 pm Medical college canteen:

I still remember that day of my life like it happened yesterday,

We all batch mates were playing truth and dare game in college canteen, the bottle revolved on the table until head faced me and tail faced Dr. Gaurav* (my batch mate).

I had a crush on him, I had shared this with Mayuri once our common friend. Studious dashing boy.

Mayuri grabbed this opportunity and asked Dr. Gautam to sing a song for the girl he likes in the class. It was a dare.

Gautam did not take a moment and started singing in front of everyone “Mein chahoon tujko meri Jaan bepanah……Fida hoon tujpar meri jaan bepanah”

He pushed his chair behind and held my hands in his hands and went on knees and song continued “Mein chahoon tujko meri Jaan bepanah……Fida hoon tujpar meri jaan bepanah” in front of entire college canteen he proposed me

I was on seventh sky that day… eyes were filled with tears of joy….

My crush..the only first and last boy who entered into my life…

I wish after that what ever happened with me would have been a bad nightmare….

I wish I could have realised his fake intensions behind his proposal.

This proposal was already pre planned to fool me by mayuri and gautam. After proposing me in front of everyone he took my contact no and started texting me daily good night, good morning, all cheesy talks, flirty messages, he said he loves me and wanted to marry me.

But he never spoke to me in front of his friends, never introduced me to his friends, in fact many time he just ignored me and walked away

When I asked him why does he avoids talking to me in front of his friends, we have not done anything wrong nor we are doing anything wrong then why ??

He said he does not want anyone to come to know that we are friends. I was shocked by his answer then what was all that in cafeteria that proposal and all

Somehow he convinced me on that and I also thought may be needs some more time to accept me hence I also ignored.

Two months passed we just kept chatting on phones and messages

Romantic talks, late night cuddling. My life seemed so beautiful and complete.

Feb 7th was his birthday

I brought a beautiful wrist watch for him… and told him I have a surprize for him.

He said me not to give him any gift in front of other batch mates. I felt a little fishy as if I could smell the rat, why he does not accept me even as a just friend in front of others.

He told he will open the gift later, and opened it two weeks after his birthday by not giving any value or importance to it, where as he showed his all other birthday gifts to everyone, but not mine. I felt bad, but said nothing as I did not want to argue or fight.

Why does he always avoid me, ignore me, does not talk to me in class, but texts me late till 2 am night. I felt this wrong,

I boy who can not even accept me as his friend in his friend circle can never be serious in his intensions.

In these two months, He insisted me to meet outside after medical college, I use to remain busy on weekends taking tuitions and dance classes’

He said I don’t give him time. Then one day I explained him about my family responsibilities on me and said for me love is not what a boy or a girl do hand in hand at bank stand, that I don’t believe in showing love to each other this way shamelessly on streets having no seriousness and with no future in it. For me love meant a lot very different

  • Supporting each other
  • Motivating each other
  • Caring for each other
  • Standing by each other in all ups and downs
  • Not leaving each other in bad times
  • Crying together
  • Smiling together
  • Laughing together

“Shut up” said he… “Please don’t bore me” he continued

“He said I am stupid, bore, ugly girl… the most ugly girl he ever met in his life”

Tears rolled down my eyes…. I was the same ugly girl who he had proposed one day……..what was all that he said to me in messages, they had no meaning today. He proposed me had also no meaning

I still gave him a chance…. Despite he being so dis-respectful I kept giving him chances because I loved him..

I even told my mother about him. I discussed with her like a 21 year old mature girl.

I said my mother that he has proposed me and says he loves me, but when my mother wanted to speak to him over phone he denied disconnecting the call

When I asked him next day in college why he behaved so badly with my mother last night

He said he was not ready and again convinced me and I again kept giving him chances ignoring whatever he was doing to hurt me


One Day

18 th March 2010 :

On Our Annual Function Of Medical College

I was not keeping well hence, was not going college since a week and preparing for final exams. I received call from mayuri stating that college has its annual function day and she insisted me to present in ceremony. Theme was “Halloween Party”

I did not trust mayuri “kabhi koi annual function mein bhi Halloween theme rakhta hai”

So I called up amitesh our other batchmate just to cross check and confirm, some how mayuri had managed to convince amitesh also in her plan who also said me that theme was Halloween party

Actually theme was “Traditional day”

I called up gautam he said that he will come in this party only if I come, I said I am not keeping well won’t be able to manage travelling, but he insisted and I had to agree

While keeping phone he said theme is Halloween party so come dressed accordingly.

I reached that day dressed like a witch while all others had come in traditional attire.

All students started laughing at me, tears rolled down my eyes

I was being fooled by a guy I ever trusted and ever loved.

Gautam came taking out an handicam and shoot the moment in which all are laughing at me, and I am dressed like a witch. He posted that video on college Facebook group tagging as

“Uglist Girl Of The World”

I asked Gautam why did he do this to me? In a choked crying voice

He said he just wanted to use my innocence, stupidity for his studies. He felt that I am the sincerest student of the class, and if he traps me in his love then he can easily make use to my study notes to top in all exams

He also cleared me that whatever he did was just fake and had no meaning because he never had any true feeling for me.


I broke completely that day….My dreams broke, I could never ever fall in love again

Nor I could ever trust anyone again


5 Years Later 2015 May :

Medical college re union:

I became settled in Career and Job Much better that him, got a complete makeover, when I walked boys head turned back, people use to fall down. Gautam again came to me proposed me

This time chair was on my side., I said “ I have stopped entertaining temporary people in my life anymore. There is no space for temporary people like you in my life now. I have a self-respect, I deserve someone much better than you. One who will accept me as his friend in front of everyone, give me that position and respect his life which I deserve , only that guy will deserve me.”


And This Is How I Chose Self-Respect Over Love

  • A blog by Nishika R Saxena

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