Other Side Of Patriarchy

Posted by avipsha sengupta
April 13, 2017

Self-Published

People who travel in shared autos are probably aware of this unwritten rule, that when a woman approaches the auto, any guy seating at the back should graciously offer his seat and go and sit in the front. Oh! the sweet chivalry…
It so happened that while i was sitting in an aut a guy came and crashed into the back seat probably drained after a day of slaving away at office. After a while a girl approached the auto, looking relatively less tired than the guy and demanded the back seat as her natural right. Seeing the miserable state of the guy I offered to sit in the front to which the guy refused with a very feeble ‘nahi theek hai’ probably abusing me in his mind for questioning his macho-ness?? machoism??? whatever it is.
Not that I wasn’t aware of it before, but the trivial incident re-affirmed that women are not the only victim of sexism.

We easily make fun of men who cry or express normal emotions and tag them effeminate. I have male friends who are not breathing talking encyclopedia of sports or cars, like most men, and they are looked down upon continuously in their coterie of males.

Even when it comes to selecting a career, there are clear divisions. My father decided to pursue history as his graduation subject, ignoring the collective gasp of his friends who could not bear the idea of a ‘typical male’ like my father taking a Humanities subject. Isn’t Humanity a domain of women? Men study medicines and machines. 

Take the example of Mira Nair’s ‘Monsoon Wedding’ released in 2001. When Naseruddin Shah and Lilette Dubey’s only son who is potrayed slightly effeminate and shown to enjoy dancing and cooking, becomes a headache for the parents. Their solution is to send him to boarding school, that will ‘make him tougher’. 

While women are chastised for going out at night alone, it is acceptable if you have a male chaperone. It is assumed that if danger may befall the women, the man should be able to beat up the baddies and be the knight in shining armour to the damsel in distress. Because, clearly if you are man you should be able to physically take any other man, else your your manhood should hide its face. In fact you are hardly a male if are not a hot-headed alpha male ready to pick fist fights at the drop of a hat, because clearly calmness and peace-loving nature are feminine virtues. 

The pressure on the guys to be macho is equally compelling as the pressure on the women to be timid and docile. Notions of Equality, Feminism, Patriarchy or Sexism is far more more complicated than we often realize and trivialize in our daily conversations…

 

 

 



People who travel in shared autos are probably aware of this unwritten rule, that when a woman approaches the auto, any guy seating at the back should graciously offer his seat and go and sit in the front. Oh! the sweet chivalry…
It so happened that while I was sitting in an auto a guy came and crashed into the back seat probably drained after a day of slaving away at office. After a while a girl approached the auto, looking relatively less tired than the guy and demanded the back seat as her natural right. Seeing the miserable state of the guy I offered to sit in the front to which the guy refused with a very feeble ‘nahi theek hai’ probably abusing me in his mind for questioning his macho-ness?? machoism??? whatever it is.
Not that I wasn’t aware of it before, but the trivial incident re-affirmed that women are not the only victim of sexism.

We easily make fun of men who cry or express normal emotions and tag them effeminate. I have male friends who are not breathing talking encyclopedia of sports or cars, like most men, and they are looked down upon continuously in their coterie of males.

Even when it comes to selecting a career, there are clear divisions. My father decided to pursue history as his graduation subject, ignoring the collective gasp of his friends who could not bear the idea of a ‘typical male’ like my father taking a Humanities subject. Isn’t Humanity a domain of women? Men study medicines and machines. 

Take the example of Mira Nair’s ‘Monsoon Wedding’ released in 2001. When Naseruddin Shah and Lilette Dubey’s only son who is potrayed slightly effeminate and shown to enjoy dancing and cooking, becomes a headache for the parents. Their solution is to send him to boarding school, that will ‘make him tougher’. 

While women are chastised for going out at night alone, it is acceptable if you have a male chaperone. It is assumed that if danger may befall the women, the man should be able to beat up the baddies and be the knight in shining armour to the damsel in distress. Because, clearly if you are man you should be able to physically take any other man, else your your manhood should hide its face. In fact you are hardly a male if are not a hot-headed alpha male ready to pick fist fights at the drop of a hat, because clearly calmness and peace-loving nature are feminine virtues. 

The pressure on the guys to be macho is equally compelling as the pressure on the women to be timid and docile. Notions of Equality, Feminism, Patriarchy or Sexism is far more more complicated than we often realize and trivialize in our daily conversations.

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