Smiling while suffocating. Screaming in silence. This is exactly how it feels like to be under depression.
It is the elephant in the room. Not visible but very tangible. No one wants to talk about it but they will feel it’s impact.
“what happened to you?”
“why are you like this? ”
“tell me one valid reason for you to act this way! ”
“don’t you think it’s time to give it up? ”
“you used to have a sparkling personality! ”
“you can’t afford to be this way.”
So on and so forth…
Questions to which people do not want to hear the answers. People who throw them like daggers,bleeding me out of the remaining sanity. I remember who I was even though the image is fading and it only makes it worse. I know I can’t afford to be this way. Privileges that a lower middle class girl with a single mom is not limited to clothing or accessories it goes way beyond and this is such.
A little care. A little love. A little hope is all I want. A sunrise I want to see. The one I thought will be there left me first but then certain forevers last just a second.
I still have ambition. I still want to shine but I am tired of being strong,tired of acting,tired of picking up pieces, tired of pulling myself up. I am just tired.