I was born and grew in a family where my father use to fight with my mother and abuse her.
He use to mentally harass her and physically torture her beating for dowry.
He wanted my mother to leave her family after marriage and forget them forever. Neither her family members should ever ask about her well-being after marriage.
My mother tried all way outs to sustain her marriage.
She left her own family asking them never ever to enquire about her or visit her in-laws place, but torture still continued.
My mother was a national Bharatanatyam dancer, but she was not allowed to live her dreams saying that “Prostitutes” Dance in front of men on stage.
I was growing seeing daily fights between my parents, I grew hearing all abusive languages in my home.
But my mother always gave me right cultural values, she always told me that not every boy is like your father. There are also good boys in this world who respect their girls and encourage them to cherish and live their dreams. Good boys always motivate their girls to come up with their talents, support them and stand by them.
“Pyaar Khul Ke Jeene Ki Azaadi Ka Naam Hota Hai…..
Sachcha Pyaar Kabhi Kisi Ko Bandhta Nahi Hai…..”
I grew in same house but in with “good sanskaar” in me.
Since I knew how it feels to be in cage, I never allowed anybody to keep even their pets tied in chain or in cages at home.
My mother’s first love was Bharatanatyam and classical music
She was not allowed to live her life her way.
My grandmother and father use to take entire salary that my mother earned from her teaching profession and tuitions thinking that she might purchase a phone for herself and speak about the torture given to her in in-laws place with her mother.
3 am mid-night
2 am mid-night
5 am early morning
3 pm noon
My father kept fighting and abusing 24 hrs of the day.
Some how my mother managed to kept me away from all family fights, she allowed me to live my dreams, encouraged me to dance, play, swim, do everything that I wanted to, motivated me to win, supported me standing by me in my every competitions, gave me right teachings of life,
She taught me everything that a “good girl” needs to know to run her own family one day.
At the age of 15, I was state level swimming champion, at age of 14, I was a basket ball champion, at age 18, I was taking my own dance classes expertizing myself in all types of dance forms, Bharatnatyam, Kathak, Jaaz, Contemporary, hip hop etc….
and giving various stage performances winning several trophies and medals.
My mother always said
“Meri beti kisi bete se kam nai hai…..
mein uske saath aaisa kuch nai hone dungi jou mere saath hua…
Mein usse sahi aur galat ka farak sikhaungi…
aage badhne dungi….
Itne achche sanskaar dungi ki log meri parvarish par kabhi ugli nai utha payenge.”
“Haan meri beti ek aaise ghar mein paida huee hai, ek aaise parivaar mein paida huee hai jaha sirf galiyan boli jati hain…. Lekin meri beti ko sahi aur galat ka farak malum hai….. She is a good cultured girl with all family values in her.”
But my father did the same what he did with my mother, he stopped my dance, he stopped my music, once again stating that “Prostitutes” dance on stages in front of boys.
I felt like I was in a cage where I can not live my dreams,
My First love for dance, music and basketball was killed brutally.
Slowly, I gave up on swimming, I gave up on basketball , I gave up on music, I gave up on dance, I had to give up on everything like my mother had to.
My father had threatened me that If I dance on stage he will abuse mother even more, and choice was now mine whether I want to see my mother happy or keep dancing.
My mother said me not to get feared with papa’s words and keep dancing,
but I chose to give up on dance for mumma’s happiness and smile on her face.
I concentrated on studies, got para medicine degree, came into job and got settled with right teachings of life which my mother gave me…
I was 26 when my first marriage proposal was being taken to some family by my mama….
Since my parents use to fight they had no co-ordination of thoughts with each other and I was growing old, mama chose to take up my marriage responsibility.
But boys parents said “your daughter do not belong to a good family since my parents fight with each other for dowry and there is lot of domestic violence in her house”
And a girl born in such family atmosphere can never be a girl with good cultural values….”
Now the question is
Who was wrong…. they ?
or my mother who sustained her marriage by tolerating?
Or me ??
A girl who had just born in this family struggling with her childhood and now entire life ahead her.