Marriage. According to Google it means the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship. In India we read “Marriage” as A reality game show where two lead players represent a family each, and there is one judge, who’s the most important part of the game – Society.
Today, the world’s growing more than ever through the infamous internet. With every coming day we bump into things, that make or break our perspectives. And so I stumbled upon “statistical reports”, that claimed , America had higher number of divorces as compared to India- a reason millions use to talk about why we shouldn’t ape the West. And these people assume that this is because we’re stuck to our core values and that we value and respect the purity and sanctity of marriage, that fights increase love in a relationship.
That’s like saying Rakhi Sawant should be President.
The concept of marriage to me, seems flawed. When a boy breaks up with a girl when they are dating, it’s okay.
But When a husband divorces his wife, it’s the end of the world -Your family will lose all it’s respect in society and people will make you the butt of every WhatsApp joke. Your maids, drivers, friends and colleagues will tell their friends and the world will laugh at you.
Is this what really happens? Or is this the adult equivalent of when your mom would ask you to sleep otherwise the ghost would come from under the bed?
We know how divorce is seen in this country. If our elders had a choice, they’d probably appeal to the court and declare divorce “illegal”.
–
But let’s look at it a little realistically.
Everyday you come back home to a person, who’s facing a new time, a new hurdle everyday. A person who may stumble across someone new, someone possibly more interesting than you. Because with changing times and circumstances, you have changing views, but not everyone changes their views with you.
To give you an example take your school friends. You didn’t stick around with everyone, neither did they with you. You came across new people, leaving the old and no one commented then right? So why now?
The irony is, that these people who claim about the sophistication fail to realise, that with every year, the divorces may not increase, but the number of affairs do. And if not affairs, it’s the family’s happiness that deteriorates. I know for sure, that in almost every person’s family, the parents fight, and aren’t happy.
So, after 19 years of understanding, if you’re unhappy in a marriage, here’s what I believe :
When you’re not happy somewhere, and you’ve tried to fix it, but failed, ask yourself – “Why stay?”
Why stay with your “better half”, when you’ve found the best? A better half, only on paper. Why stay?Because you have kids who are still in their teens? Kids who are mouldable at that age, and impressionable? So that they don’t grow up broken and rebellious?
No, you’re not going to hurt those kids if you separate. Or maybe you might, in the short run. But you definitely won’t in the long. Because your kids will grow up to understand. They would’ve grown up, and with time, they would’ve become more understanding and empathetic. It’s not fair to yourself that you stay with a partner who has a drinking problem or fights with you at every step of everyday. A marriage isn’t about the society. It isn’t about your parents, or your in-laws, or even your children. It’s about you and your life. When you die, no one is going to remember you because you stayed with someone. They’re going to remember you, because you did what you felt was right. If they judge you, so what? they’re going to laugh about it with their friends, only to go back home to start a debate on who owns the remote and why there was no salt in the dal.
Marriage isn’t a relationship here, it’s a joke, at least in most cases. And when we’re moving to a developing, better India, why stop at technology and clothing and food? Why not look at relationships?
Americans leave more often than us. You could call this impatience. You could also call this, them maintaining and fighting for their dignity and self respect. When you’re hurt, insulted, and down, if your partner doesn’t pick you up, then he’s not fit to be your partner at all.
Marriage is a relationship. Every relationship must break. Giving it a label, that it must stay forever, just adds pressure on the two sides. So if you’re unhappy, ask yourself on what you should do. Ask yourself if what you want to do, maintains your self respect and dignity. Ask yourself, if you’d be happy.
Because a marriage, at the end of the day, along with eternal love, requires eternal happiness.
