What Is It Like To Live With Depression?

Posted by YOURDOST in #LetsTalk
April 6, 2017

Self-Published

This story is in response to Youth Ki Awaaz’s topic for this week – #LetsTalk to start a conversation on the stigma around depression. If you have an opinion or personal story of dealing with or helping someone else deal with depression or suicidal thoughts, write to us here.

What happened? Why are you so sad? You look better when you’re happy! You tend to get bombarded by such questions when you are Depressed. Depression is not just sadness. It is not about mourning a loss. It is definitely not something in our control.

The Depression I am talking about is a feeling of hollowness. It is about the physical ache without a wound. It’s the inability to find a purpose to do anything.

When I was Depressed I couldn’t explain this to anybody. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I didn’t even know that Depression was the name of my condition. How could I answer anybody why I was sad? I started avoiding people instead of explaining something that I myself didn’t understand.

When I avoided people they thought I was overreacting. They thought I was faking sadness to attract their attention but I was just avoiding them. I didn’t feel like speaking to anybody. Sometimes my mind would have a rush of thoughts and other times it would be spookily blank. Nothing but sadness was constant.

Depression made me over-emotional. At times I would cry without a reason. I would see only negativity around me. My hands shivered and I felt as though I had a fever which wasn’t curable. I was paralysed by despair, with the loss of appetite, interest and energy. Though I couldn’t sleep, I wouldn’t move from my bed for days.

I once told my friend about how I felt and his instant reply was, “Are you mad?” Maybe I was mad. But I could never tell anybody else now. What if I shared it with others and they too would consider me mad.

A distant relative came home one day and she told me about a friend who had battled Depression. I was surprised because I could relate to most of it. That’s when I realised that I had Depression.

I researched about this and decided to seek professional help. It was the best decision of my life. I’m glad I didn’t stop myself even though people continued to say, “You are mad!”

Mental health is stigmatised and we need to gather strength to fight against it. Depression isn’t sadness. It is not the same for all.

Don’t shy away from seeking help. There are online platforms like YourDOST where all your personal information will be anonymous and confidential. #LetsTalk to the Experts at YourDOST to fight against Depression!

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