Are we born to play these secret games

Posted by SANA SIDDIQUE
May 31, 2017

Self-Published

Since childhood m having a quite charming personality, friendly, little loud, talkative, and that why i was very much loved and pampered by my relatives. Some of them were my favourite too maybe because they bring me chocolates.

One of my family friend Jeet uncle ( name changed) was very close to me he often come home and I used to play with him and do my homework and stuffs. One day I was alone at home when he came mummy n papa were out and asked uncle to take care of me. Me and uncle were playing carom, after few minutes he said let’s play some other game he asked me to close my eyes and he will place finger on my body parts and I had to spell name of that part and if I fail to spell I have to do what he asks for. 1st day it was quite ok but later it start becoming awkward. One day I refused to play he forced me and i called out mummy he slapped me and left in anger telling my mummy that I was misbehaving. I got scolded from her too, and I got scared and kept my mouth shut.

Another incident happened when I was around 12 year old, my body curves were quite visible till then, one of my cousin from a distant relation was at our house those days with his newly wed wife. One day after playing badminton I was standing close to him talking about my school stuffs few minutes later he placed his hand on my shoulder it was okay for me but then it start becoming awkward when his hand start moving from shoulder to back and then waist and below I become very uncomfortable I pushed him hard and ran away, but didn’t said anything to anyone dont know what kind of fear stopped me.

Nowadays molestation is being counted as a serious stuff, girls are raising their voice against it, complain against any molestation case is being filed and actions are being taken in many cases. But these thing help to those only who is aware about what molestation is? But what about those who don’t have any idea about such things, like, around 1 of every 5 girl is being victim of child abuse and only 30% of them report that too happen when it becomes too serious to ignore. In most of the cases child don’t even know what is being happening to them? Why their favorite uncle is behaving differently, is that any kind of game or a different way of showing his affection? Why is he offering her chocolates and in return asking her not to tell her parents or anyone about their secret game? Why is the touch don’t feel the same as before? Why the kiss which used to be placed on cheeks are now placed on lips?. She even don’t know that she is being molested, it makes her feel uncomfortable but we are taught to obey our parents since very young age.

Will these secret games will ever end? Will our parents ever gather courage to taught their children about good and bad touch? Will ever our ‘sanskar’ allow us to raise voice against anything uncomfortable? Will our parent ever learn to believe and support us without questioning and thinking about thier relations and reputations? Will ever the mask of these demon faced lustful relatives be removed?

When I grew up and went to college got my confidence and become a fearless bold girl whom no guy can imagine to touch without her permission, i thought that no such thing will happen now, i can now raise my voice, I can fight back if any such thing happens but I was wrong. Guys these days can find every possible way to exploit you, same happend with me.

I was afraid of getting close to someone because of my past experiences, so when i met him I was not at all ready for any relation but friendship, we became friends. I start getting comfortable with him and told him everything about the past. He said it will all go away if I try no fear is meant to stay forever, I trusted him after few weeks I realised that m falling for him he used to advise me, care for me. And one day i told him that i like him few days were good but them he become demanding. He used to ask for making outs, intimacy knowing very well that m not at all ready for that. In starting i used to agree what he asks for because i loved him and dont wanna disappoint him but when demands started getting bigger I refused at that time he showed that he is ok with it but then his behaviour changed completely and one fine day he told me that he dont love me.

I still wonder that it happened again and this time i blamed myself for whatever happened…He was just with me for my body and when I refused he left..Again I was left speechless,molested, abused and again I didn’t raise my voice because I cannot I still love him,and I hate myself for letting these things happen to me again and again.

M left with just one question,” Are we just born to being played with, and left with teary eyes and torn heart”?

These are the questions from a girl who was forced to play this secret game, and had to keep it secret because she was never taught to disobey elders. 

It kills inside when you meet these demons of your childhood in any family functions and you have to greet them with smile and have to tolerate their wicked smile which smbolise their victory over you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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