This Mother’s Day, Let’s Not Forget The ‘Mothers You Despise’

Posted by Nishi Sharma in Sexism And Patriarchy, Society
May 14, 2017

I’d been to a marriage lately. It had all the pomp and show that Indian marriages have. Thinking of dowry? Yeah, it was given. I have no proof of it, but I heard people saying that the groom (who’s an engineer) got more than ₹20 lakh in cash and a car, apart from the beautiful bride.

After returning, I swore to myself that I would never ever attend a wedding, where I am made to feel like an object worthy of a make-up kit and a fancy wedding sari, only. However, let’s forget this otherwise acrimonious affair. I want to talk about women, here.

Mother’s Day is upon us and right now, we are probably taking a look at our mothers and trying to express our regards in ways we deem to be proper. Perhaps, we are all flaunting our Mother’s Day selfies and writing letters to our moms on Facebook and Twitter, speaking of a mother’s pure love.

However, before continuing to do so, I would ask you all to stop for a moment, and think of all those mothers you despise, for no good reason. Yes, you do it – knowingly or unknowingly.

There are many ‘fatal laws’ of the society that people are still following. During the performance of some marriage rites, I came to know of a woman (whom I hadn’t met) who was a young widow with a child, besides being a close relative of the family. However, she hadn’t been invited because they thought her presence would be a baleful one, during such an occasion. I thought that they might have visualised her as some witch, who carried darkness wherever she went.

Then, I remembered another wedding which I attended when I was in class 11. It was my mamaji’s (uncle’s) wedding. In that wedding too, there was a widowed woman. I remember that when the baraat (wedding procession) left the house, and only the women were left at home, they thought of singing folk songs and dancing till they were all exhausted.

Then, I saw a woman lying on a mat on the floor in a room which was dimly lit. I went to call her to be a part of the celebrations that were going on. She said that she was unwell. I was disappointed. I told her to take rest and went back to join the jovial crowd.

Someone of my age asked what I was talking about with the woman in the room. I said that I had gone to call her. Only then was I enlightened about what was really happening. She said that the woman didn’t come, simply because she couldn’t. When I asked her the reason for this, she said that the woman being a widow was the problem here. I never saw that woman taking part in any of the rites during the entire marriage ceremony. In fact, I wondered why she had even been invited.

This time, however, during the recent wedding, I was somewhat happy and relieved that the woman they were talking about wasn’t there to face such a menacing insult. The people I was talking to, there, told me that the woman felt sad for not being invited. On the other hand, even if she had been invited, she still would have had to deal with cruel traditions.

It pains to think that you all abandon your women so gruesomely. I mean, some of your women are setting foot on the moon, while some aren’t even allowed to see the moon! Moreover, others are happy at this, for the moon might get ‘offended’ seeing those ‘ominous faces’.

How do you all celebrate Women’s Day and Mother’s Day, then? Is it only about ‘your’ woman or ‘your’ mother? Shouldn’t this celebration include ‘us’ all? I’m not here to judge anybody, neither am I trying to give some gyaan (knowledge) – but I believe that a celebration for and about women is complete only when you don’t discriminate between ‘us’.

Here, I shared one of the incidents that broke my heart. You know your families and your societies better than I do. Think of every such woman who does matter and speak about her. Just don’t get stuck in the labyrinth – get out of it and love all!

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Image used for representative purposes only.

Image Source : Arijit Sen/Hindustan Times via Getty Images

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