I am an ordinary woman with extraordinary imagination. But at the same time, I am brutally honest and do not compromise when it comes to facts, truth, reality or final conclusions. Now let me begin with an introductory notion. I was born on a Sunday and I am writing this for my mother on the very Sunday which is ‘The Mother’s Day’ as known by all. Hey! But before I begin, I would like to mention that I don’t believe in difficult idea of English so I am gonna make this really simple and readable for everyone and make sure no one has to run for the dictionary. No! That ain’t my style. I like it simple, smooth and keep an open heart to heart conversation through which I can touch lives and inscribe my impact on their soul. (Okay, I gotta stop making this about me, me me and talk about her, her & only her!) Shall we begin? Yeah? Okay!
“Mothers”, hmm. Not an easy person to deal with yet the one person we strangely and magnetically run to for our own share of ‘comfort zone’. I call them biologically and systematically ready made species only to function as super caring and fiery ‘mamma bears’. Oh yes, those words make them scary. You got that right? You didn’t? Well, I mean for the words, ‘Caring’ and ‘Fiery’. I know you got the first word but did you even use your head to get the reason for using the second word? Ofcourse, You got it. (I am not the only one wearing my smarty pants here). Damn correct! Mothers are protective. Shout it out and repeat after me, ‘My mother is so protective that even I become convinced that I am highly protected & secured in her heart, soul & mind in every challenging situation that comes before me.’ And that challenge can be in the form of forcefully being asked to eat and have sufficient food or not to overeat everything, standing there and watching us when going to school on the first day, accepting and trying to understand the first nasty complaint from the class teacher, accompanying us while attending vital examinations, making us understand and give a clear picture after having the first fight with a friend, terribly panicked while waiting for our mark sheets, pushing us for hunting the right colleges, their constant support when going for important interviews, , going to the doctor for a checkup, their wishes when leaving the city/town/country for our career , teaching us how to take responsibilities, and let’s not talk about the amazing phone calls. But darling, those challenges were not ours but of our very own mothers. I have realized late that the challenges that I called mine were truly my mother’s. She was trying to prove herself to be a good mother. On the other hand, I was just enjoying all the privileges. Well, we all have. Now let me help you with some guidance how to treat your mother. ( I am not an expert, but I do know how to make someone feel powerful and extraordinary ). Well, today I intend to make it special by writing for many daughters, sons and mothers.
1. Listen to her – By this I mean, listen to her deep. Listen to what she has to say . Do not ignore her words. Look at her in the eyes and try to understand her unsaid words, her unexpressed pain, her solitude moments. Understand it. When you are working and suddenly she passes by your room but only to give a peek just to make sure you are doing fine. At times she wants to talk to you but she returns to her daily routine when she realizes it is unfair to disturb her son or daughter. No No No! Stop what you are doing and just reach her out. Make time for her. She made time for you for 9 bloody months. She nurtured you, fed you, prayed for you, spoke to you even when you were in her womb. You kicked her and she somehow still managed to tolerate that pain. You know why? Because She loves you and wanted to make you strong. This is the only reason she took care of you even when you were blind enough to see a glimpse of this beautiful world. “She created you”.
2. Fight for her – What are you doing? No, seriously where are you looking at? Look at your own mother. Look what all the responsibilities has made her. She has become numb to her pain. Some mothers are working and some mothers are home mothers. But don’t you get it? She is your mother! Empower and motive her to hang out with new friends even though she does not have any friends. Force her to be able to use every new technology starting from your laptop to smart phones. ( I am still trying ). Fight for her dreams. Ask her what is her wildest dream? What does she want from you? Your mother has fought for your dreams. It’s time for you to fight for her dreams. Keep on pushing her to have her own time and not making everybody’s time as her own time. Damn, She is your mother. If anybody dares to insult your mother, take the shit out of them. Yes, I mean literally! ( I am talking from experience ) . Make her feel worthy. Your mother needs you. Go and give her a hug just for no reason. ( I do it all the time ). Go now! Not later. Please go now.
3. Empower, Inspire and Motivate her – You know what? Your mother is your Goddess. So treat her like one. Make her feel how powerful she is. Inspire her with your daily ventures. Make her laugh. Motivate her to do anything that she wants to do. Tell her everyday to listen to her heart & soul and not to other’s negative opinions (if anybody has so) . Remind her who she is. Damn! damn! damn! She is your god damn mother! Tell her, ‘ Ma I see God in You ‘ and watch her reaction. Try it. Let those happy tears come out from her eyes. Make her special. Take her out for a brunch, lunch, or dinner. If you are financially unstable, take her out for a walk and just sit in a park and talk or may be just have a cup of tea. Just hold her hand and keep walking, keep talking. If you still can’t go out, just go to her room and lie down on her lap and re-call your childhood memories with her. Remind her, how grateful you are. Damn, She is your mother! Stop wasting your time. This life is short. Make her worthy.
4. Your mother doesn’t want you. She needs you – Do not compare your mother with your girlfriend or boyfriend. I often empower young men and women and even some of my age, that they should never tell that they need someone special to make them happy. That pisses me off! You have to be whole all by yourself and then only you can say, I want someone special only to welcome him or her in my life as my partner or companion. You do not need them to make you happy. You can do that all by yourself. Well, in the case of mothers, they do not want you as a support system. But they need you. Even though your mother is working or even not working, that mental support is needed. Just tell her and remind her, ‘Ma, I am there for you and I have your back no matter what’. Don’t give her false promises but just give her comfort that she deserves. Stop making excuses. Go run to her and tell her that you are sticking by her side emotionally.
5. Let her scold, scream and shout at you – I understand this. She has motherly rights. This woman gave you birth. If she senses that you are heading out in the wrong direction, she is going to stop you and oh trust me she is going to make that clear and put her scary image in front of your face, You have got to face her. Let this woman scream at you. Come on, she loves you . I also understand that it gets highly stressed up when confronting with your mother but she is the only one that can save you. Trust me. You have done something terribly wrong and you expect her to be nice to you? Really? Let her scream at you as long as she wants. Give her that respect. It’s okay to be insulted and criticized by your own mother. She is no stranger. Get over it. Would you?
6. Learn from your mother and unlearn from her faults- This is the part where it gets crucial and a bit serious. Learn from her. You already know what you have learned from her. But keep in your mind that your mother is a goddess as well as a human. And humans make mistakes. If you notice a negative trait in her that she needs to change, you are not supposed to learn that negative trait from her. Erase it and block it out. Instead remind her what she is doing wrong and help her out how she can improve or change her situation. You have to be the ‘guru’ here. Just because she is your mother, it is not necessary to accept her negative trait. Don’t you ever. If you do, this would be an insult to your whole being. No! You gotta guide her. Okay? It is okay to take the role of an adult and teach the mother. Let her get comfortable in your wise suggestions. Make it slow and easy. I know you can do it!
7. Notice her when you celebrate your success- In my case, she cries all the time. In your case, it is your responsibility just to notice and observe how she reacts in your happiness. Let her feel every bit of your success and joy. Try to realize, how much she loves you. Try to learn, how much she puts your happiness first over anybody else. Notice her gestures. Look at her facial expressions. Keep on noticing. And still you would say, You don’t have much to thank for? You have everything darling. She thinks you as her world. If its too much for you, make her feel that you indeed is a part of her world. Please don’t give up on your mother. Look at those holy eyes. She smiles, cries and gets so excited in your happiness. What else do you want? What are you cribbing and complaining for? You have her back. Now cheer up.
8. Those who lost their mothers- This is special. Honey I know you lost your mother. I know the feeling. ( I have experiences in my family ) .But no one can understand the pain of losing apart from you. It is only you who can truly understand the amount of pain you went through. Some lost their mothers after birth and some after a while and some at an older age. It is harsh. But my dear friend, do not blame God. Understand that it was part of her fate and destiny. Your mother is residing in a safe and peaceful place and is waiting for you while having samosas in a different dimension that is different from earth. You will meet her, I can guarantee you. You will meet her when you take your last breathe. It is unfair, you would scream with all your lungs out. But I would say, learn to accept that death is part of a vicious cycle but it is a beautiful experience. Death has no pain. It is holy and peaceful. Your mother is free from her sufferings. Aren’t you glad about that? Yes, you miss her. But she misses you too. How would she feel if she sees you crying all the time? Instead, smile at her photo and give her the most thoughtful hug in your mind. Trust me, that thought will reach her. Have faith. Your mother is safe and sound. And you gotta fight to become the man & the woman she wanted you to be. You have to and you must. And last but not the least, I am certain that you will become that person. I just know it. Cheer up, Would you? Ah ! That’s like it.
This write-up is dedicated to my mother and sister (cousin) who lost her mother just after having her first breast milk after 3 days of her birth. This is also written for all the sons, daughters and mothers in this world. I hope, my words could heal some wounds or help somebody. I wish to mark my words as a positive impact. Happy Mother’s Day to all beautiful mothers and my warm hug to the beautiful sons and daughters! Celebrate this beautiful day the way you want and don’t forget to make it special.
Yours Loving Priyanka!