How can a Woman Terminate Relation of “Seven lives” (Marriage)Peacefully and Move On?

Posted by Nidhi Mahajan
May 26, 2017

NOTE: This post has been self-published by the author. Anyone can write on Youth Ki Awaaz.

Movies like “Pretty Woman” and “Love Actually” have made us set unforeseen (or sometimes wrong) expectations from our life. But when these bloated expectations are not met, reality hits us hard. And this mostly happens with women whose world revolves around their husbands and kids. Their dreams shatter and the world come down crashing the moment when they hear the words, “I want a divorce”, from a person with whom she took sevenphera’s and bound for seven lives. And with that means, a breeding ground for mistakes. So many long-lasting, devastating and terrible mistakes are made because of the emotional roller coaster ride or because the legal process is daunting.

Being a woman, emotions come naturally to you and it is quite obvious of making some horrible mistakes, but you have to be strong and push aside all the emotions and think logically to find ways to contain the impact of a divorce—financially, legally and socially.
If you’re heading towards a divorce, consider some of the common divorce mistakes which most of the women make and make sure that you can avoid them at all.
But before we start, remember,

Now, let’s discuss mistakes which can impair your divorce proceedings=

1.Having unrealistic financial expectations= Many women start off their divorce proceed with the assumption that they will get alimony from their husband and everything that they want. As a result, some demands are overstated and it can drag a court case for years. If you want your divorce proceedings go smoothly, make sure to have some realistic expectations of how much you will get as a share after the case. The court directs a husband to pay alimony only if the estranged wife is not qualified to get a decent job. In the case where women are working, they can get maintenance only if the court feels that her demands are justifiable or she has dependents or her income is not sufficient to maintain the lifestyle which she had before the divorce.

While, alimony is appropriate, it is not routine, nor it should be. Also, most courts expect wives to support herself, if she is professionally capable to financially, rather than simply relying on her husband to support her.

“In 2015, the Mumbai Family Court pulled up a highly qualified woman for seeking maintenance from her estranged husband.”

2.Using kids as a pawn in legal cases= Using children to get back at a partner is one of the dumbest things you can do. In reality, by doing this, you are hurting sentiments of your kids more than that of your spouse. If you think that you will automatically get custody of your children just because you are a mother and you will make it tough for your husband to see and spend time with kids, then it is another mistake which you are making. Remember, custody is decided on the basis of kids’ interests, and the main factor that court considers is who has been the primary caretaker, so there is always a chance that you may not win a custody battle. Be ready for it and don’t bicker over it.

3.Letting emotions rule= Divorce itself is a hard situation and thinking irrationally can only deteriorate the situation. The failure of marriage brings out some emotions which overrule her sensibility. Impatience, resentment, shock, and anger are not good in any situation, but amid divorce, these negative emotions can be counterproductive. Save yourself from the emotional strain and mental anguish by not letting emotions run your decision-making process with regard to ending the marriage. Keep your emotions out of your divorce proceedings and things will be easy for you.

4.Refusing to communicate= Though, divorce proceedings are emotional, it is necessary to keep your emotions in check and focus only on the important matters. Unless your marriage was disrespectful, you should never refuse to communicate while your divorce proceedings are still on. It becomes more important, especially if you have children. You should always be ready to communicate with your ex, as after all you were married to that person at some point in time. If your ex reaches out to you via phone, email, to discuss an issue about divorce and marriage or even to find out how kids are doing, show some courtesy. Not doing this will portray your immaturity. Moreover, your kids may not understand the meaning and repercussions of a divorce because in their eyes, you are parents and they want to stay or at least in contact with both the parents.

5.Rushing your divorce case= “I want to be done with this case”, or “Why is this divorce proceeding taking so long?”, these are some of the thoughts which might be going on her mind. While there is nothing wrong with a quick divorce proceeding, many times rushing into legal process is not going to help. Settling your divorce too soon can result in getting a much smaller amount of compensation than what you deserve. Though, it is not required to drag your divorce, don’t rush to take the first settlement you have been offered.

6.Failing to secure child’s support payments= Even though a child support payment is explicitly mentioned in a divorce settlement agreements, most women and kids do not get the money which they are entitled as she fails to work towards it. So, make sure that your divorce agreements have clauses which make it tough for your ex-husband to get away without paying anything or with limited compensation.

7.Not hiring a divorce lawyer= Often women feel self-reliant or may hesitate to ask for help. However, divorce is not only about changing your marital status, but it is also a change that affects both yours and your loved one’s lives. A good advocate for divorce can help you take up issues like custody and financial matter competently. As many women mistaken in assuming that a certain amount would be sufficient for the future of a child and though they include health care, education, day care services, and other extracurricular activities, they do not consider the impact of inflation. However, a good divorce lawyer can help in dealing with such issues effectively.

Moreover, without a divorce lawyer, your husband or his lawyer may try to manipulate facts or forced you to compromise against your wishes. However, if you have a divorce lawyer, you can let your lawyer handle all the issues. You will only have to say one thing to your spouse— “Talk to my lawyer”. Your all paperwork and other issues will be taken care by a lawyer.So, it is good to hire a divorce lawyer who can assist you through tough passages in the years to come.

Above all, you can find a good advocate for divorce online from the comfort of your home with a few clicks of your mouse. Online portals like LawRato offer free legal advice from top High and Supreme Courts. You can read reviews and complete lawyers’ details before signing an agreement with a divorce lawyer. Don’t worry, your privacy and confidentiality will be secured.

The last and the most important tip is to let things go and move on. I know this is probably the last thing a woman going through a divorce wants to hear, but it is necessary to show some goodness and forgive your ex. Remember, forgiving is necessary for your betterment. As one marital is being spilt into two separate houses, it is not possible for both the partners to have everything. So, choose wisely and let go of everything that doesn’t matter.

Divorces aren’t easy, but once everything is sorted, turn the page, and move on towards a bright future. Don’t let your past dictate your future and remember to be gentle with yourself and others on your journey i.e., from a married girl to a woman fighting for a divorce and finally to a divorcee!

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