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How can a Woman Terminate Relation of “Seven lives” (Marriage)Peacefully and Move On?

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Movies like “Pretty Woman” and “Love Actually” have made us set unforeseen (or sometimes wrong) expectations from our life. But when these bloated expectations are not met, reality hits us hard. And this mostly happens with women whose world revolves around their husbands and kids. Their dreams shatter and the world come down crashing the moment when they hear the words, “I want a divorce”, from a person with whom she took sevenphera’s and bound for seven lives. And with that means, a breeding ground for mistakes. So many long-lasting, devastating and terrible mistakes are made because of the emotional roller coaster ride or because the legal process is daunting.

Being a woman, emotions come naturally to you and it is quite obvious of making some horrible mistakes, but you have to be strong and push aside all the emotions and think logically to find ways to contain the impact of a divorce—financially, legally and socially.
If you’re heading towards a divorce, consider some of the common divorce mistakes which most of the women make and make sure that you can avoid them at all.
But before we start, remember,

Now, let’s discuss mistakes which can impair your divorce proceedings=

1.Having unrealistic financial expectations= Many women start off their divorce proceed with the assumption that they will get alimony from their husband and everything that they want. As a result, some demands are overstated and it can drag a court case for years. If you want your divorce proceedings go smoothly, make sure to have some realistic expectations of how much you will get as a share after the case. The court directs a husband to pay alimony only if the estranged wife is not qualified to get a decent job. In the case where women are working, they can get maintenance only if the court feels that her demands are justifiable or she has dependents or her income is not sufficient to maintain the lifestyle which she had before the divorce.

While, alimony is appropriate, it is not routine, nor it should be. Also, most courts expect wives to support herself, if she is professionally capable to financially, rather than simply relying on her husband to support her.

“In 2015, the Mumbai Family Court pulled up a highly qualified woman for seeking maintenance from her estranged husband.”

2.Using kids as a pawn in legal cases= Using children to get back at a partner is one of the dumbest things you can do. In reality, by doing this, you are hurting sentiments of your kids more than that of your spouse. If you think that you will automatically get custody of your children just because you are a mother and you will make it tough for your husband to see and spend time with kids, then it is another mistake which you are making. Remember, custody is decided on the basis of kids’ interests, and the main factor that court considers is who has been the primary caretaker, so there is always a chance that you may not win a custody battle. Be ready for it and don’t bicker over it.

3.Letting emotions rule= Divorce itself is a hard situation and thinking irrationally can only deteriorate the situation. The failure of marriage brings out some emotions which overrule her sensibility. Impatience, resentment, shock, and anger are not good in any situation, but amid divorce, these negative emotions can be counterproductive. Save yourself from the emotional strain and mental anguish by not letting emotions run your decision-making process with regard to ending the marriage. Keep your emotions out of your divorce proceedings and things will be easy for you.

4.Refusing to communicate= Though, divorce proceedings are emotional, it is necessary to keep your emotions in check and focus only on the important matters. Unless your marriage was disrespectful, you should never refuse to communicate while your divorce proceedings are still on. It becomes more important, especially if you have children. You should always be ready to communicate with your ex, as after all you were married to that person at some point in time. If your ex reaches out to you via phone, email, to discuss an issue about divorce and marriage or even to find out how kids are doing, show some courtesy. Not doing this will portray your immaturity. Moreover, your kids may not understand the meaning and repercussions of a divorce because in their eyes, you are parents and they want to stay or at least in contact with both the parents.

5.Rushing your divorce case= “I want to be done with this case”, or “Why is this divorce proceeding taking so long?”, these are some of the thoughts which might be going on her mind. While there is nothing wrong with a quick divorce proceeding, many times rushing into legal process is not going to help. Settling your divorce too soon can result in getting a much smaller amount of compensation than what you deserve. Though, it is not required to drag your divorce, don’t rush to take the first settlement you have been offered.

6.Failing to secure child’s support payments= Even though a child support payment is explicitly mentioned in a divorce settlement agreements, most women and kids do not get the money which they are entitled as she fails to work towards it. So, make sure that your divorce agreements have clauses which make it tough for your ex-husband to get away without paying anything or with limited compensation.

7.Not hiring a divorce lawyer= Often women feel self-reliant or may hesitate to ask for help. However, divorce is not only about changing your marital status, but it is also a change that affects both yours and your loved one’s lives. A good advocate for divorce can help you take up issues like custody and financial matter competently. As many women mistaken in assuming that a certain amount would be sufficient for the future of a child and though they include health care, education, day care services, and other extracurricular activities, they do not consider the impact of inflation. However, a good divorce lawyer can help in dealing with such issues effectively.

Moreover, without a divorce lawyer, your husband or his lawyer may try to manipulate facts or forced you to compromise against your wishes. However, if you have a divorce lawyer, you can let your lawyer handle all the issues. You will only have to say one thing to your spouse— “Talk to my lawyer”. Your all paperwork and other issues will be taken care by a lawyer.So, it is good to hire a divorce lawyer who can assist you through tough passages in the years to come.

Above all, you can find a good advocate for divorce online from the comfort of your home with a few clicks of your mouse. Online portals like LawRato offer free legal advice from top High and Supreme Courts. You can read reviews and complete lawyers’ details before signing an agreement with a divorce lawyer. Don’t worry, your privacy and confidentiality will be secured.

The last and the most important tip is to let things go and move on. I know this is probably the last thing a woman going through a divorce wants to hear, but it is necessary to show some goodness and forgive your ex. Remember, forgiving is necessary for your betterment. As one marital is being spilt into two separate houses, it is not possible for both the partners to have everything. So, choose wisely and let go of everything that doesn’t matter.

Divorces aren’t easy, but once everything is sorted, turn the page, and move on towards a bright future. Don’t let your past dictate your future and remember to be gentle with yourself and others on your journey i.e., from a married girl to a woman fighting for a divorce and finally to a divorcee!

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An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Read more about her campaign. 

A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

Read more about the campaign here.

A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

Read more about the campaign here.

A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

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