Sexism and what i feel about it.

Posted by Mayurakshi Ghosh
May 13, 2017

NOTE: This post has been self-published by the author. Anyone can write on Youth Ki Awaaz.

“Sexism doesn’t really exist”. I can’t tell you how many times have i even heard this sentence. Okay you might not have faced it or maybe you haven’t realised something unfair is being done to you just because you are so used to it. This is about no one but me. I am going to tell you thing about my life which was totally unfair or still is and that might help you to realise how the system should actually work. I don’t really want to talk about the sexism on a huge scale i would really love to talk about the things i face on a daily basis.

So the first memory of my childhood actually goes back to the time when my mom told me to inform her when someone touches me inappropriately, i thought it was normal back then. Before I go to my next point i just want to tell you that i didn’t really have a sad childhood or i wasn’t abused or tortured but i would still like to present to you the things i felt were unfair. I love my family the most and i have no complaints because they didn’t really realise that they were being unfair to me. So when my parents told me to inform them when a guy touches me , it made me curious as to why should i inform them when someone same as me comes and touches me so i asked my mom about it and to which she replied, “you cant trust men, they do certain things to you which are not right”. So that was the first time i ever got to know something about men ( apart from the fact that they should have short hair and be strong and not cry) and now when you blame me for thinking #allmen , that’s not really my fault.

At age 8, when i wore shorts and went to a supermarket, my body was immediately sexualised, most of the people were staring at my legs probably thinking what kind of house this girl even belongs to…so yes the people staring at me were successful enough to make a 8 year old girl realise how she can’t wear something which exposes her body. Thank you for doing this to me , thank you for making me insecure for life when i am about to wear anything that exposes even little bit of my skin. At age 12, i was told not wear miniskirts just because my uncle told so, because apparently he feels it’s not okay for a 12 year old to wear a skirt which exposes her legs while my 40 year old uncle could easily wear a boxers and no one would even look at him. My brain didn’t really have the power to rationalise it then so it accepted it as something normal. I never wore a mini skirt after that day.

In my first relationship, my boyfriend had shown my nudes to his friends, i have never felt this embarrassed in my entire life, so now when i don’t really trust men with nudes don’t call me a prude because i know how it feels to be naked in front of people. People would blame me for sending him that but was it really my fault? While growing up i was told that girls are supposed to follow a certain sets of rules which i thought were normal back then but now when i think about it , it just feels ridiculous. For example-
• Girls are not supposed to stay out late at night.
• Girls are supposed to have long hair
• Ideal girls have big boobs
• Have them but don’t show them
• A marriageable girl should never party
• Oh the most ridiculous part is where they distinguish between marriageable girls and fuckable girls.
• Girls are supposed to stay virgins until they are married
• Girls are supposed to love the colour pink ( yes my room is pink in colour and i didn’t choose it)
• Girls are supposed to love makeup and be perfect with it but not too much of it or else you are a slut
• Apparently if you are a girl and you are given the “permission” to work after marriage then you are a lucky girl please have his kids and then stop working forever because you are giving birth to the child and its totally your responsibility.

Now i am sure many of you will come and tell me how we are progressing and this doesn’t happen to everyone and of course how can i forget #notallmen. I never said all men all i said were things that actually happened to me, and if you find this normal then count yourself as a person who is responsible for the society being this way. There are certain very ridiculous arguments i have had with men and also women and they tell that men are also being done wrong to and what not. I just want to say one thing no one is denying wrongs done to men it’s just really annoying when you just talk about it when i am talking about problems women face. Many people have told me its girl privilege to get free drinks and free entries in clubs , okay so one reason they do this is because they think woman are not capable to earn money so why not give them free drinks and do them a favour and even if this is not the case are you seriously denying all the oppression women face just because a few girls get free drinks an free entries and also getting free drinks doesn’t stop every other guy in the club try to grope me or watching me as if i am a sex object.

When you ask me why do women get reservations in public transports , it is because if we try to stand or sit with you guys some men are going to molest the shit out of us. And when you ask me why men are not allowed to cry? It’s because society thinks that crying is for the weak and of course women are weak so that’s the reason they cry. Why are men insulted with words like ‘girl’ ‘pussy’ ‘cunt’ it’s all because society thinks that being a girl is the biggest insult to someone.

Even being a girl i get to hear things like ‘why are you such a girl’ you want to know why i am a girl? It’s because i am a fkn girl and no i don’t need to ‘man up’ to be strong i am and i will be strong just the way i am. Yes i am a girl and idon’t run slow, yes i am a girl and i can hit you harder than any of your male friends will ever and none of these make me a tomboy or what not. As i grew up to be a teen i was never really that familiar with the term feminist but i realised the wrong things done to me, then social media to a very big extent helped me to gather my knowledge about feminism and then Google did the rest. Feminism really scares the shit out of half of the population out there but then if you know me personally you would know proud I am as feminist.

Since my childhood society taught me that father is the head of the house, i never really had a problem in believing that but then as i grow up i realise how wrong that is, i was told to never talk when adults were speaking but most of the time that was not the case most of the time things were like don’t talk when the men of the house are talking. Haha how convenient. I was always told i need to preserve my honour and everything i did was spied upon because god forbid if there is any stain on my character who the hell is gonna marry me? And if i don’t want to marry ? that’s out of question because of course you should get married. My parents told me that you should work and then get married, be independent and then get married, how about i remove marriage from my life plan completely? How about i just be independent and i work and earn a lot and live my life happily ever after. How about me wanting to be a spinster? I am pretty sure half of you all are not even accustomed with the word since all you get to hear is the word bachelor and it means a single man, and it’s glorified so much but whenever a person hears about a girl being single it’s such a shock to them like how can a girl even be single, she must be a non virgin, something must be really wrong with her character lol. I don’t blame my parents, i never do, i blame no one because that’s how things have been since forever i am a girl and i should get married because that’s how its been. Even if i do get married, sometimes i wouldn’t want to have sex because apparently even i am a human being and not a sex object ( SHOCKING REVELATION ISNT IT?) well yea even if i don’t want to have sex and my husband forces me to do so then guess what ?its his fucking right because if i marry someone i give them the license to have sex with me without my consent so guess what since you are married this is not a crime. Marital rape is legal.

Now lets shift onto the topic of songs, movies and books. Everyone loves bollywood don’t they? Even i do. But then the movies I grew up with are not exactly how i want my life to be. Remember kuch kuch hota hai? Remember anjali and how she used to be when she fell in love with rahul? But guess what rahul fell in love with the sanskaari fair and tall tina who is the perfect marriage material and basketball playing anjali was brozoned by rahul but guess what after tina dies due to some disease rahul falls in love with anjali who has now transformed herself into the sanksaari girl she never wanted to be.

In ae dil hae mushkil, ayan (a very emotional guy) falls in love with alizeh who couldn’t really care less about anything and then the whole movie continues to portray how even after alizeh’s rejection ayan follows her everywhere and the funniest part is how the audience accepted this thing .

In the movie sultan, we find anushka Sharma really promising in the beginning, she had big dreams and wanted to win medals in Olympics but then wait this is bollywood and she has to fall in love and get married and have kids and when she is pregnant she is asked to choose between motherhood and Olympics she chooses motherhood because why not? Fuck dreams and ambitions lets have kids while my husband goes around the world wrestling.

In the film Main tera hero, stalking is romanticised in such a way that no one can ever find a flaw in it. Seenu ( a guy who pretends to be a hero) falls in love with sunaina ( who is in an abusive relationship with angaad) . so to help sunaina seenu follows sunaina all around the college campus until she is forces to say yes. I could really go on and on about this but then these are some examples out of many movies.

Moving on to songs , “kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayaal ataa hai, ki jaise tujkho banaya gaya hai mere lie “ but guess what maybe she wasn’t made for you, she was born to make some mind blowing discovery that you could never even think of, maybe she was born to do something great instead of falling in love with you. “tu kisi aur ki ho na jana, kuch bhi kar jaoonga main deewana, tu haan kar yaa na kart tu hai meri kiran? Seriously do i need to say anything more about this song. It basically says i don’t give a fuck about what you want, i don’t care if you say njo, you are mine. Well done . ‘tu cheez badi hai mast mast ‘ need i say anything more? Thank you for comparing me with an object. “chumma chumma de de” if you have ever seen the video you will see how odd it is for the girl to dance around 500 men who are asking her to kiss them. “ye uska style hoinga, hontho pen na dil me han hoinga, aaj nahee to kal bolegee,ai tu tension kai ko leta hai re” This practically defines our rape culture. This literally translates into ‘this must be her style, she is saying no but deep down i know she is saying yes, so if not today she will accept me tomorrow so don’t worry. ‘ ‘hai tujhpe right mera tu hai delight mera, tera rasta jo roku chaukne ka nahin’ i mean seriously how can you be this clear about loving stalking? This song literally tells that i have full right on you and when i stalk you in the roads please don’t stop me because i am an asshole. ‘aap do Jodi mai ladki bhejo ladki hui hamnari’ so this honey singh song literally is screaming out ‘fuck women’s opinion’ let me call up her dad and ask for his permission before i ask for her permission and have the audacity to tell him that just send her in two clothes because i am rich enough to buy her things. And of course she can’t pay for herself, its either the father or the husband.

I have always wanted a dreamy life like Cinderella, sleeping beauty, snow white, ariel, jasmine. But then i realised they all really hate women and project a really wrong view about them to the entire world. They are all skinny and fair which makes them the girly girl apparently.all these stories have evil stepsisters or stepmothers, which portrays that women are jealous of each other which is clearly not the case. All the princesses are very pretty and fair and the all the sisters are ugly so obviously the prince being the saint he is chooses the fairest and prettiest of them all. Fairytales romanticise forced sexual activities, in the original version of sleeping beauty, the prince rapes her and she wakes up getting pregnant and in snow white, the prince literally kidnaps her while she is unconscious. The other i really dislike about fairytales is that how it is always about a prince coming to save you and how that’s the end. Each and every story ends with the princess getting married. And if you seriously don’t find anything wrong in these there is something definitely wrong with you.

Now before come up to me and tell me that sexism is not a big issue, here is an account of what happened to me and things i grew up around, maybe you didn’t face any of these but i did so yea i do have difficulties in trusting men but in your words #notallmen.

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