Alternative Dispute Resolution of life

Posted by Simran Kaur Thandi
June 30, 2017

We all have been brought up in an environment where goals are set for us and we are told to focus on them till the very end. The mindset of always winning or losing and not being important, always give your best and you will win, get great grades (not less than nineties otherwise it is a stain on the honour of the family) which are neither the measure of success or of intelligence anyhow – the bucket of expectations keeps on filling till a person finally reaches a stage of life where one realises the Alternative Dispute Resolution of life. We all are so awe inspired by winners, success stories, achievers, all-rounders that we indeed forget the steady reality of life which is failure, branded as bad luck, curse, sulkiness, lack of intelligence and overall lack of worth in a human being it is actually the greatest blessing one can ever have or believe in. It is a practically demonstrated fact that everyone who swears to excel or ‘prepares’ to win does not. Only a few do. Here lies the misunderstood concept of loss of success equivalent to failure.

It is about changing pathways as the world’s toughest survivor Oprah Winfrey says “it points you in the right direction’. Many of us don’t reach the level you aspire because we think that point is a success but the reality of success varies. The jurisprudence behind it is that we are conditioned to believe so. Our dreams are judged and have to pass the test of assurance that in future we will be successful and be able to earn. Life is much more and beyond that. Another flaw is that we always remember the three bright people, gold medallist, silver medallist and bronze medallist and their varying ranges of remembrance and importance. The participants or the genuine struggles are forgotten.  Our society conditions and has been conditioned in a way to shun failure to treat it as an end, treat it as a source of humiliation especially for kids who do not get the desired grades. What we do not realise is that winning and success are just terms given according to whims and fancies of norms and dominating people, system or precisely our mindset.

For example the entire concept of entrance tests which all the students suffer annually, it is like a rolling machine out of which only the best come out and the rest are forgotten. Everyone aspires to get into top colleges but the reality is everyone cannot. And then the year passes by success stories are shared by toppers. I being one of the forgotten or rather categorically sidelined participants in a race unapologetically share my ‘learnt lesson’ or rather a ‘celebrated failure’. It took me two years to prepare for the biggest law entrance test in the country. Being repeatedly assured by my teachers, friends and even foes that I will make it to the top, leaving no stone UN turned was lost in the pursuit of being among the top. I was unable to clear it and could not make it to the top law college of our country and with a heavy heart had to settle in for a traditional law school. I was apparently not realising in depression as my mind was so stuffed with the teachings of the teachers of the coaching centres that how important it is to study in the top most college, anyone who mentioned about other universities was either made fun of or accused of not working hard enough.

I do not blame my input, neither do I blame the tangy or elevation factor of luck nor do I blame the fault in my stars for i was not meant to be there. Surprisingly I was still content rather than a winner because I did not let my personal success of getting into a traditional law school to be measured by my marks sheet or anyone’s judgement of my IQ or abilities. As I began with my law course I came across so many toppers who were studying with an average person like me in a mediocre college who still holds the potential to produce topmost lawyers or judges in the fraternity.

Life is not just about embracing failures or being terrified by the word failure it is about taking that in stride and being proud of that. The Alternative Dispute Resolution of Life lies in the simple fact that everyone cannot excel in one’s fields but the ones who excel do not necessarily do not score 99%.