The results for class 12 are out today and my neighbour’s son has passed with flying colours. He is the topper from his batch. Excited, I enquire about his career dreams, and with a 56-inch chhati (chest), now a benchmark for ‘handsomeness’ among the teenagers, he proudly announces that he will be appearing for the entrance exam for the 21 Gau Rakshak Battalion under the Ministry of Defence. It became his dream job after the revolution for cow protection. He has been attending the coaching classes for the exam since class 9, under the Skill India movement hosted by the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh, providing free education for such subjects. Well, his parents are very supportive too, as the battalion pays really well, enough to support his family.
Meanwhile, scientists have started their research on how to protect the endangered peacock when there is no reason to cry. They did try to use tear gas on them, but it was futile. There were a few other species of ‘animals’ which used to cry, which lived till 20 years back. So, as a measure to stop the sorrowful epidemic from spreading, these vicious species were shot at sight, or wherever they tried to gather. Um. What were they called? Farmers! Gone are the days when farmers used to thrive. Thrive? My apologies, the word is ‘survive’.
It is now such a nice world to live in. When else did one find this kind of harmony in the Indian ecosystem, expanding till TRAPPIST-1, with the efforts of the ISRO? See, we know from our updated history books that there was Ram Raj, there was the unmatched kingdom of Maharana and that of Shivaji, and isn’t that truly what we are living in? How else could Satyug have come back in this country without the hard hitting counterstrikes against the brainwashing of the socialists? Sorry, the ‘anti-nationalists’.
We braved it all, and surely I won’t forget the equally important contributions made by some crucial parties in this transitional history of India — the Congress. Well, after the most eligible bachelor of the party shifted his base to London, at least for 299 days a year, the party realised it was time to look within, but oh, there wasn’t any other Gandhi to be spotted. The throne was vacant and the decision to choose the next in line fell short of consensus, and thus, there were hundred more parties.
Yes, the Communist Party of India did try to reach out to the people to extend their idea of ‘anti-establishment’, but the language was too complex to decipher by the commons, with no JNUs around. Obviously, our Bollywood did make a biopic, because how would they not, and thus, came out the world’s highest grossing movie — “Gaddi Ki Jung”—reaching ₹ 1,00,00,00,00,00,00,000 crores in just two weeks! It’s remarkable! It does take some crazy VFX to bring the brigade of 2010s alive on screen!
With already our 23 states under the President rule, everything seems peaceful, especially in Kashmir. It is peaceful when one knows that everyone has a gun to protect them. It took us so many years of hardship to reach the level of the world superpower North Korea!
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