Our relationship is our priority but we rarely make time for it.
We are at the start of our careers and we want nothing but the best for the one in our lives.
But we don’t want to be that couple that only talks about “managing” our days and not make room for what drew us into each other in the first place.
This post is written for the young ambitious couples who are out hustling for their dreams and at the same time want their love lives to be their first priority above all else.
Recognize that presence beats duration
The first secret to long term romance is to recognize that most forms of romance are unsustainable.
Yup, you read that right.
Champagne on ice and sex on the kitchen floor?
Do you know how cold and uncomfortable that is? (not that I have tried).
The first thing to understand about love is that it is a feeling.
And feelings take just a split second to develop.
Hence you don’t need a lot of time to spark romance or love in your relationship.
Besides the dates and special occasions, what you can do is to stay engaged with your other half 100% (and I mean 100% whereby if you feel you are giving 99.9% of your attention – slap yourself) for just 30 minutes and you will see how they react.
Just try it and let me know.
Do the 5 Love Language assessment
If I had to just recommend one book or quiz on relationships, this would be it because it works.
Do the assessment here. It will only take a few hours.
Have your partner do it as well of course.
Speak their language
Armed with this knowledge, go and practice it.
Turn your efforts into their language.
If they enjoy acts of service – cook for them or wash the dishes.
If they like gifts and you are on a budget, create something for them to collect (what is a gift if it can’t be collected right?), it can be drawings, letters, little toys that signify something and of course, the occasional flowers.
You get the idea.
Channel just 10% of your creativity
Let’s be honest, we all feel temptation at some point in our relationships. It is especially true when the other party is interested in you as well.
I was listening to a podcast by Tim Ferriss and he was interviewing Esther Perel on the topic of infidelity and among others.
What I got from it was –
Infidelity happens because we get used to the routine of meeting the same person. The mystery is lost as you have gotten to know the person.
But this is purely a matter of perspective.
If you woke up one day and lost your memory, you would be find your partner rather interesting.
If we all put in just 10% of the creativity we used to fantasize about cheating and put it into our relationships, you would be surprised at how exciting your romantic lives could be.
Have overnight date nights
You determine how often do you wish to have them.
If once a week suits you, go for it.
If once every 2 weeks suits you, that will be fine too.
Plan on which day and lead the way.
It must be overnight so that you two will wake up together and reflect on how great the previous night was.
Treat every act of effort as though they won the Nobel Prize
A person needs praise like a flower needs water.
When your loved one does something noble or just any amount of effort that is considerate, show your appreciation and rave about it for weeks.
Side note: This works wonders for children as well.
Sure, you may think you’re overdoing it, but it makes them feel better and appreciated whenever they do something.
Plus, it’s something that you like them doing – it’s a win-win for both of you.
If they come and pick you up from work, thank them.
If they help clean up the table after dinner, thank them too.
Being in a relationship requires effort.
The above methods may seem deceptively simple and you may have heard it a thousand times before.
I want to close with a quote I read not too long ago:
“If you wish to be loved, love.”
Be the first to reach out your hand and ask for this dance.
***
This post was written by Ben Sim from iPrice group.