I was 11 years old when I felt a sudden rush of feeling surging through my body and I had no idea what it was. All I could think of were the beautiful women I had seen wearing small clothes in movies. I was alone at my home and not going into much detail, that’s where my journey started.
Now I am 20 and I still have the same habit. But I have faced a lot of problems because of this habit.
When I was in school, I had such good hair and I was really proud of it. So many girls praised me for my hair and how big my forearms were. I felt like I was at the top of the world. In college, I thought the praise would continue, but by the end of the first semester, I could already see that my hair was falling a lot and my forearms looked small and weak.
I could not understand how this happened. Then my roommate explained to me that this might have happened because I masturbated a lot. He told me that my hair needed protein to grow and sustain itself, and semen contains a high quantity of protein. So I thought, I just need to control it and everything will be fine. And I did, but it lasted only a month.
Masturbating two-three times a week is normal, but I did it 12-15 times a week and this is no exaggeration. I tried a lot to stop, but nothing worked. Many of my friends from school were shocked to see me like this. I was tall, had an athletic built, had great hair and was academically bright too. Now I have 22 backlogs, hair like an old man, I skinny fat – which means I have fat on my stomach, chest and back but I have very skinny hands. The worst part of the story is that both my ex-girlfriends, who I dumped because I thought they were not good-looking enough, now look great.
All these things really bothered me a lot. I faced constant internal struggle on whether I should do it or not. All these things made me really sad and I cried. I don’t know if there is a scientific explanation or if it only happens with me but after I cry, I feel the urge to masturbate. So after I cry, I masturbate. The cycle goes on.
I was really frustrated and had no idea what to do. One day, my best friend and I were talking and he told me that he had been in a serious relationship earlier and had had sex quite a number of times. He told me that to be good in bed, I needed to quit masturbation. I don’t know whether it is true or not but he explained to me how he had gotten better at sex after he quit masturbating. He told me that sex and masturbation both exhaust the male reproductive organ. If you have sex after a lot of masturbation, it would be like sending an injured player on the field. The player will obviously not be able to perform and as a coach, you will feel ashamed. The thought that excessive masturbation could result in a bad sexual performance really frightened me.
Now, whenever I think about masturbating, I think about how can I injure my body. It has been in control for some time, so let’s see what happens from here.