“The Precariousness of my life”

Posted by Sumbul Syed
June 6, 2017

NOTE: This post has been self-published by the author. Anyone can write on Youth Ki Awaaz.

Life is an open basket-it is precarious. No matter how hard we try to take care of it, it is never enough. Somewhere down the road there will be glitches which will immensely affect the course of life.

My approach towards life is very simple- “Work your work. If it comes along, congratulations!! And if it doesn’t, go with the flow.” Some people might not agree with this. They might have their thoughts coming around like- “You didn’t work hard enough that’s why you are going with the flow.” But I didn’t choose to believe like this. Life has been so perplexing that I understood well enough to respect what life has to offer.

When I was no more than 12 years old, I set my heart on to become an Astrophysicist. Some people might consider it very bewildering because 12 years is not an age to decide the journey of your life. But I was like this. I started watching shows that were talking about planets, universe, space, Sun, galaxies. I was taken aback by beautiful graphics on TV. That would make me pour my heart even more. When movie “Swades” came in the year 2004, I was so excited to look into deep insights of NASA-how the organization was working and how people were participating in the whole process. My interest was sky-rocketed. Ever since that movie is my favourite movie. I knew exactly what I wanted to study- Science. I would loathe commerce subjects. Then one day my life became so weird that I had to give up on my dream.

Now I was studying commerce subjects. I didn’t hate them anymore. I enjoyed them rather. This time I made up my mind to get into Delhi University no matter what and study economics. I was determined like I had always been. However, another surprise came into my life and I couldn’t get into DU though I managed to study economics in a different college. The college didn’t matter to me anymore but subject did. Now I again forgot the past and concentrated on my studies. I was again ready to put my heart into the subject I loved. During my graduation, I always kept saying one thing- “I am never going to work in corporate sector. I can’t survive there. I would be continuing with economics and get into academics.”

Now I am here, working in a corporate sector plus not interested in economics anymore. This is how my life has always turned out to be. It has been very opposite of what I always thought of.  People often talk about passion. Now I am passionless because that one thing I was passionate about isn’t with me anymore.

My decision of giving up on science was the biggest mistake I ever made. There is never a day when I don’t feel like going back and change it. But that’s the precariousness of life. It is filled with uncertainties. Maybe somewhere I was at fault. I can only try rectifying my past mistakes because that is the only way of moving forward.

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