Why Modern Relationships Fail (And What To Do About It)

Posted by Leilani Maeva in Culture-Vulture
June 14, 2017

I read an interesting article a few weeks ago, discussing some of the challenges of modern dating. I write about this topic often, because it is such a large part of our lives.

Not just romantic relationships, but also relationships with friends, family, acquaintances, and within our own social circles.

One of the main themes of the article was about social media. This is something that has concerned me for some time now, as I wrote about in a recent article on social media and dating.

But more specifically, it discussed all the negative things about how it can start to unravel relationships.

This may seem somewhat dramatic, but Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram – they have all given us an insight into the lives of others. We may envy, despise and feel bad for some, but it all leads to one thing – knowing way too much about each other and judging each other based on our perceived social value.

Does that sound complicated? It’s not, really – you just have to think about it carefully.

Recently, during a coffee date with a friend, she discussed how she was ‘stalking’ her real date for later in the week so she could pre-screen him before going out. She decided against seeing him because the person had made some negative remarks on his profile to someone he disagreed with.

I thought this was a bit ridiculous, because not only did she not understand the context of the discussion, but she had only met this person through social network. He was also a personal friend of mine, and it was part of something that was totally justified.

‘He Said, She Said.’

That seems to be the theme of how social networks and modern dating has evolved. It’s not always about what you bring to the real world, but how you’re perceived.

In an honest conversation with my partner, he admitted that he felt unworthy of dating me because I had shown him all the random messages from men I receive on a weekly basis. This can often make partners feel insecure and feel that they need to be extra nice, and extra fake, to keep you interested – which is 100% wrong.

This is part of the reason why modern dating is truly a more complicated playing field than it was even ten years ago.

The never-ending jealousy and insecurity between male and female friends, trust issues, and wanting to be seen on networks as highly attractive can make other people feel inadequate. It makes it a lot more difficult to truly open up in a relationship.

The entire crux of the problem relies on people not wanting to get hurt, and not embarrassing themselves, which can lead to being inhibited, and not completely open. Even if the right person comes along. Being in love seems to be more of a Disney tale these days, rather than anything based on mutual trust, affection, and of course romance.

There are things like love pheromones, dating tricks, techniques, and games people play in order to try and win over the person they desire. But these really stem from a deep-rooted insecurity that comes from having to be someone you’re not, to try and get someone who may not be completely forthright with you either.

Some men and women feel like they have to be as attractive as models, be health and fitness gurus, or have some level of fame. Which is just not how it works.

So What’s The Solution To The Modern Dating Problem?

It all comes down to self-awareness. Do you place too much faith in social media to show you someone’s true identity? Do you believe real life or a digital version of somebody’s personality? If so, it’s time to change your thought process.

Dating has never been easy, and never will be – but these additional obstacles are a part of a growing problem, and it can help if you are aware that relationships happen in real life. Not on Twitter or whatever social network you’re on.

The truth is that it really takes time, and it can be painful. Sometimes we may place our faith in the wrong person, or open up too much only to get hurt. But at the end of the day, you will also be ready to experience a truly fulfilling relationship with no silly insecurities, and allow yourself to be whisked away by the man or woman of your dreams without as much fear or doubt (which can be a self-fulfilling prophecy).