A Moo-ving Interview With An Indian Cow

Posted by swati.r1 in Society
July 21, 2017

There are people, there are animals, there are gods. Then there are those who have gone beyond the realm of humanity and divinity and achieved greatness. Yes, we are talking about the Indian cow. Previously, the world was obsessed with dinosaurs. Now, with the era of the Indian cow dawning upon us, the animal kingdom has found its new poster girl.

Still, this immense and ground shattering popularity comes with its fair share of controversies and clashes. We recently got into a heart to heart conversation with the Indian cow.

You can find a few excerpts from the ‘moo-ving’ interview below.

Thank you very much, Ms Cow, for your time. This is a much needed interview for many of us.

Oh, please call me Gau. I am happy to be here. It’s been a crazy time for me but when Ram asked, I couldn’t say no.

That’s a pleasure to know! How does this new-found fame feel like?

It feels ridiculous. Not because I am overwhelmed with the fame but for the fact that I haven’t done anything to deserve such attention. I wasn’t searching for such attention, it came searching for me. Just try being in my position and you’ll realise how ludicrous this hullabaloo is. I have been doing what I do for a very long time but this sudden fame feels forced, artificial and a bit demeaning to say the least. At times, I feel humbled but then immediately, I can see through the farce. People respect the idea of me, not me.

But you must feel elated when humans personify you?

Actually, we animals don’t care. Don’t take me wrong but seeing how humans treat fellow human beings, it’s better to be a cow. For centuries, I have been called gau mata, gau maiyya and frankly, rather than a compliment, it feels offensive. Who wants to be aunty-zoned like this, right?

Image Credit: Ramesh Pathania/Mint via Getty Images

True, tell me about it! But we aren’t bad all the time. I mean, there are good people too.

Of course, there are good people but in this situation, I ask you, would I have gotten the same amount of respect had I not been fair and white? Why doesn’t the buffalo enjoy the same position as I do? It mostly does the same work. I’m not trying to be extremely cynical but I know the damage this does. I see the people who shout slogans like ‘Gau hatyaron ko faansi do’ shouting some more and then punishing their fellow brethren. But killing, in general, is wrong too.

You seem to be a bit against the respect people have paid you.

Deep down, you too know very well what I am saying is true. Are you not able to see the irony? You have problems when people eat me, but you don’t pay much attention to what I eat. I eat out of your dustbins and plastic bags. No one seems to care about it. You kill because of your misconstrued religious sentiments and political agendas.

Let me get this straight – being born into a Hindu household doesn’t make me a Hindu cow. I am just a cow, I need my space of living, I eat what I want and would rather be left alone for good. I am bound to do what I do because of biology, not because of greatness. I think all this paparazzi on why I should or shouldn’t be eaten is silly. The same people who propagate that my meat shouldn’t be eaten end up drinking the milk which is meant for my calf. Isn’t that murder, taking my offspring’s nutrition away?

That’s why I said, people like the idea of me, not me.

But Gau, can you not see beyond your own self? The revolution you are bringing and the nation you are moulding? A nation which looks up to you for inspiration. You are like a mother because you feed the rich and poor both. You bring prosperity to a household. People consider you to be of the same stature as Goddess Lakshmi. They feel that you are their hopes and inspiration. You provide milk to their children, every element of you is of great value. Hence, they cannot stand seeing you harmed. Are they wrong? Amidst all the problems we have with respect to our diversity, we are still trying to cope with it. Every generation, every new age, requires a force which binds them together. Maybe for this era, you are that source. Why don’t you see it that way – the bigger picture?

A nation which requires a humble cow to properly function needs counselling. A nation which requires the hump of a four legged creature is not a nation, it’s just an idea of a nation.

Really? Is that all you have to say?

What more can I say? They say some animals are born great, some become great and some have greatness thrust upon them. I sadly fall into the last category and I do not want any of this. A nation should find a better reason to unite. A space of mutual cohabitation needs to be created for every species. If you talk about vasudev kutumbakam, then you should adhere to the notion of creating a space where every single species get to live and act according to their free will, living a life of dignity.

I mean, talk about some real issues. Why are we here having this discussion? You could have gone and done some real journalism. The media holds the power to bring about revolutions. Last I remember, the pen was mightier than the sword. Then why is the pen dripping itself in gau mutra? Why are you here with me when you could be talking about the farmer in Maharashtra who is debt-ridden or why the government hasn’t developed infrastructure in the north east?

Humans surprise me. There are only a few wise people left in your species.

What do you want to say in the end to the millions who look up to you?

The cow in Moscow and gau in Gautam are random coincidences, just like the fact that different taste buds have different preferences.

In the end, cow is just a three letter word and so is gau.