Grammar Nazi – A tragedy

Posted by Sushmita Ganguly
July 11, 2017

Self-Published

This is a comical take on my daily journey through social media posts and bad grammar. If you don’t find it funny, I understand. Won’t call you a humour Nazi. And if there are any grammatical mistakes in this one, it would be irony at its best. Have a look.
 
This is a word game and it is my word against your
 
languages are many, be it written, spoken, coded or Morse.
 
English as a universal language has many speakers. Some criminally poor and some are annoying teachers.
Some criminally poor and some are annoying teachers.
 
Facebook and Twitter, filled with the language’s gutter the chatter, the fatter it gets, the garbage it utters
the chatter, the fatter it gets, the garbage it utters
the fatter it gets, the garbage it utters
the garbage it utters
 
I live in a word where hashtags are more important than the comma and full stop hashtag blessed, the hashtag on fleek, hashtag wanderlust and what not.
 
You wouldn’t know how satisfying it feels when you pop a pimple, pimple known as wrong grammar, it is just that simple
pimple known as wrong grammar, it is just that simple
 
It is they’re not there, and not even ‘there’. The horrible murder of English, it becomes too hard to bear.
The horrible murder of English, it becomes too hard to bear.
 
When posts that you see contain ‘doesn’t knew’, you can’t help but do what you do. You correct it with an asterisk in the end, in order to mend, the broken grammar in the sentence.
you can’t help but do what you do. You correct it with an asterisk in the end, in order to mend, the broken grammar in the sentence.
You correct it with an asterisk in the end, in order to mend, the broken grammar in the sentence.
in order to mend, the broken grammar in the sentence.
the broken grammar in the sentence.
 
The truth is bitter to take and you my dear do lag for when they correct you, you honour them with a ‘grammar Nazi’ tag.
for when they correct you, you honour them with a ‘grammar Nazi’ tag.
you honour them with a ‘grammar Nazi’ tag.
 
An act of correcting someone was compared to murder for it was shameful to know so much English, you ignorant arguer.
for it was shameful to know so much English, you ignorant arguer.
you ignorant arguer.
 
So I should just keep quiet and let you speak the slang? If it keeps happening, this is saddening, this maddening will end the language for all.
If it keeps happening, this is saddening, this maddening will end the language for all.
this is saddening, this maddening will end the language for all.
this maddening will end the language for all.
 
No one will know what starving means when you repeatedly use ‘Fungry’ it’s just wrong, it’s not a new language, it’s just cut short and shorter, and further short.
it’s just wrong, it’s not a new language, it’s just cut short and shorter, and further short.
it’s not a new language, it’s just cut short and shorter, and further short.
it’s just cut short and shorter, and further short.
and further short.
 
Until there are only alphabets, that make zero sense now look at what you have created it is a menace.
that make zero sense now look at what you have created it is a menace.
now look at what you have created it is a menace.
 
Lit, fam, squad, shook have replaced
the scripts, novels and the book.
 
The red crooked line under your words are not a decoration, it is a situation, billions and billions of emotions just lost in translation.
it is a situation, billions and billions of emotions just lost in translation.
billions and billions of emotions just lost in translation.
just lost in translation.
 
Facebook is not the most academic space to show your face, so shut up your grace.
 
 
Neither is Twitter or snap chat, or any other social nuisance
 
 
So take the English language and shove it up your ass,
it’s not a class, so just relax.
 
And there they go, losing the grammar battle once again.
No, the grammar was fine; the victor was the ignorant brain.
 
And while the others laughed at the nerd,
the fellow remembered that Nazis never won the word.
 
After the reveal, he swore not to heal, any broken words, no big deal.
For nothing is any more real,
finally, Jesus can take a nap, while ‘auto-correct’ takes the wheel.

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