What I learn from my obsession for my skin

Posted by Anwesha Baruah
July 11, 2017

Self-Published

From my childhood days onward I was slammed by the society for my dark skin tone. Nobody wanted to be friends with me and whenever I came near them they would avoid me by saying that I have dark skin tone so I am a dirty girl. They would always bully me by saying that I didn’t take bath daily, whoever comes near to me will have a disease of becoming dark like me. I would cry but nobody showed me any sympathy. If any outside activities were held they would push me to stand under the sun by telling that I’m already dark, if I become a little darker nothing would happen. Everyone would tell that my friends are beautiful, pretty etc. but nobody would say the same for me. Wherever they go they would seek attention of everyone.

An incident took place when I was in class 6 or something. I was going for a wedding with my mother. In the wedding we meet a lady. She asked my mother, “Is she your servant?” My mother was quite surprise and angry but replied in a normal tune that no I’m her daughter. She again asked “how can it be possible? My mother is such a beautiful lady with good complexion, how could she gave birth to a girl with such a dull complexion?” Whenever any guest would come in our house they would often misunderstood me as a servant and whoever knows me would always say that if my complexion was light then I would have no problem in finding so called “Mr Perfect”.  Some people make ridiculous comments like,” Is she a really Brahmin? Usually Brahmin people have white complexion. How can she become dark? Maybe she had done some mistakes in her past life so she is suffering now by becoming dull.” Personally I still can’t believe that I’m living in 21st century. How can people be so irrational? I can’t understand what is their problem? What link they find between an individual, caste and skin colour? Why they can see us as normal human being? They check not only our skin or body, they also make sure that we should show the traits of femininity and if we show muscularity being a girl then they force us act as a weaker sex systematically. ( I didn’t understand in my young age that it’s society rule to control girls or else i would proud of myself.)

However,these incidents haunted me like anything and made me to hate myself. These had develop a feeling of jealously in me for so called beautiful girls. I would always blame my mother for all these situations. I would always asked her “ why did she do this to me? Why she has made me so ugly?” One of the reason I have become socially awkward is this which had crush my self-confidence and develop fears in my mind as I have always been rejected by all. In order to become centre of attraction like the other girls I have tried almost all the beauty and homemade products at a young age. I would rub my body vigorously so that I become clean and my white complexion come out. In order to become beautiful I would always pray to God and also did many fast (though I’m atheist now). I would limit going outside so that my skin doesn’t burn and I become beautiful. My obsession remain till class 9.  However my parents especially my brother help me out before time. My parents asked me to become beautiful by heart and always encourage me to do service to mankind as it is the ultimate happiness we get. My brother gave me books to read written by Bama, Jane Austen, etc. and introduce to me to my idol Simone de Beauvoir (I madly admire her). I also read stories of Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Michelle Obama, Leila Seth, Nivedita Menon etc. These strong persons and books inspired me to never lose confidence and fight back against all these people not only for myself but for those who also face the familiar situation. Indeed I like to thank these people who have commented on my skin tone for making me stronger than before. For giving me courage to revive my bitter memories and also helping me to identity my limitation. And also for showing and teaching me how you people control the girls by giving them a beauty concept and concept of “Mr Perfect” to protect us which make us weaker sex automatically.  Because of these nonsensical concepts every girls and women were forced systematically to objectify themselves or else they would not get their soulmate or in other words no one to protect them.

Youth Ki Awaaz is an open platform where anybody can publish. This post does not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions.