Three words: Start. With. Yourself.
I can choose to waste your time with pick up lines, the smooth talking techniques and the subtle and subconscious cues you can give to the courted to increase your chances of getting them.
But that is just about getting a total ten.
Where are all the tips about getting and keeping a total ten?
The truth is, you attract what you are.
Rarely do you find a couple that is despairingly different from one another.
One may appear a lot more good looking than the other, but their thoughts, ambition, goals and minds are almost the same. That’s how they find common ground in one another.
But if you aspire for something more. Someone to look up to for inspiration. A role model who is also your life partner.
You must first begin by working on yourself.
Ever reached a stage in your life whereby you just can’t get along with old friends anymore? That you have “outgrown” them.
Or that simply you feel absolutely refreshed everytime you meet someone who is as passionate about the same goals as you are since you rarely meet those sort of people?
The shift or change in thinking started with you.
How to start working on you?
1. Know yourself better than anyone else.
Self-discovery is a slow and boring process. But it determines the narrative of your life.
The dream person you have in mind might not actually be the person you want to be with. You may just be into “the idea” of that dream person.
You may have fantasized about a particular person you have met, who is popular, good looking, cool and does all the things society approves of.
But is it really the kind of person for you?
She smokes. You hate smoking.
She hates to read books. You love to read books.
She is independent. But you prefer her to be at home.
She loves to rave. But you worry for her safety.
She has a LOT of close guy friends. You think they are going to steal your girl.
Holding her back won’t do her any good either. She will learn to see it as her sacrifices and therefore limit you from doing what you want to do.
Dealing with reality is the best way to go.
Be honest with yourself on what type of relationship you are looking for.
Forget about the Insta-worthy moments and about the life moments you want to share.
2. Dive into Self-Development
The most complete or positive people you meet are probably into self-development and it’s for good reason.
The act of acknowledging that oneself needs to learn more shows that they value improvement over ego.
The realm of self-development spans thousands of subjects. From personal finance to entrepreneurship to spirituality to stoicism.
The more you know, the more you realize that you don’t know. The more you are open and perceptive to other people’s opinions and thoughts.
The process humbles you.
Do you think your dream partner would like a person who isn’t open?
3. Go after your goals
Purpose (besides confidence) is the most underrated yet sexiest thing you can wear.
This rings resoundingly with men. When women see a guy with ambition, drive and purpose, they find it very sexy.
The same is also with women (but only to men who are mature enough to see it.)
Men who dislike women with ambition are generally intimidated by their relative lack of ambition.
Go after your goals, chase them, achieve them.
Not only will you feel fulfilled but your potential partner will also respect you and be proud of your achievements.
Now, most of you are thinking by now as to why did I not suggest you to describe your ideal partner, every characteristic, trait, appearance and all.
Unless, you have a very specific ideal – blonde, 5’6”, American, home schooled, etc – my belief is that it is always better to create yourself first and have the others come to you.
The ideal partner you had in the beginning may be different by the time you have created yourself.