I LET MY HUSBAND GO
I might be around twelvish when
the meaning of marriage strikes me ;
learning from tales and movies then
fancying the idea how it would be.
oh fantasy !!
I was sixteen the hormones played
felt butterflies tingling in my belly;
for a lover and a prince i prayed
day dreaming with eyes gloomy.
oh lover !!
At twenty, I grew outspoken with a free spirit
I was defamed and looked down for all of it;
to shaming, to false honor I did capitulate
they said I need a savior for me to liberate.
oh savior !! oh liberator !!
Comes twenty five, the crisis of quarter life
couldn’t pay my bills, under obliged stride ;
they asserted, you need a partner to survive
a marriage, a husband that could provide.
oh Husband !! oh provider !!
Twenty eight and I was wedded
he was nothing of what I craved
no love, nor was he compassioned
to real dishonor I was bonded
lived in despair, I almost starved
i loved myself
from all the shaming I saved myself;
I honored myself
from all bondages I liberated myself;
I pampered myself
I stood tall and provided for myself;
I gave up on my fantasy, I gave up on my marriage
I let my husband go
– Hina Abbas