By Chaarvi Murari
I was in 8th class and one fine evening one of my friends called me up. She told me that a girl from our class had committed suicide. She had burnt herself up with kerosine.
This is a memory that has been imprinted in my mind unlike many others which have faded away with time. I remember it to an extent that years after that, when I had joined college and we studied about burn patients in the hospital, it reminded me of her.
Sad and ironic, her name also meant ‘light’ and fire produces light.
Everyone was talking about the horrific incident for weeks. Nobody knew the reason as to why did she take that step but almost everyone had speculated a lot in a very limited time span.
Some said that she was very stubborn, some gave a hypothetical theory of her having a recent breakup and a few blamed the parents for irritating her every now and then.
A lot of them said that she was just fourteen years of age and could not understand as to what could have driven a child of that small age to even think of suicide. You know, she was ‘Just’ fourteen! She hadn’t seen the world and all the problems of living in it! There are so many people who have a lot of problems in life but they endure all and move on!
What was so grave in a teenager’s life that led her into a grave? Come on!!
I agree that people face a lot in life and her problems might not sound so bad. But do we even know what problems is huge and what is not?
We think that children of this age don’t know anything about big hurdles that are going to come later. True! But if they are not able to face the so called small hurdles aren’t we supposed to help them? Aren’t we supposed to guide them and prepare them for the future?
Letting them suffer and thinking that turning a blind eye to problems faced by them will curb it, then we are completely wrong.
All the people I knew, gave their whimsical ideas about the reason for her suicide, no one bothered to look at this as a result of prolonged and sustained repercussion of collective confusion and stress she must be undergoing.
She rarely talked in class and she had told me once or twice that her father doesn’t listen to her. Her mother was too busy completing the chores of the house and her elder brother was a egoistic boy who was being raised to become the next ‘man of the house’.
She used to be irritated in the class, performing very poor in exams and literally having no close friends to confide in. There was a lot going on but she got lost there somewhere.
These were VISIBLE SIGNS that she needed someone to talk to her and to listen to her.
The thing is we tend to ignore a lot, we blame the other person’s nature (perceive it to be damaging) and develop even more damaging attitude towards that person. We go away thinking that it is not our problem, we have enough already.
After all who has the time, right?
Yes, she had confinded in me a few times but even I wasn’t mature enough to take the matter seriously and inform about it to a mature adult.
Talking about ‘matured adults’, her parents never bothered, scolded her for being a lousy child not realising that maybe she needed to be hugged and a little more love and guidance to overcome it.
Her elder brother didn’t give a damn as he was so full of himself and was always engrossed in dominating her, he was a ‘big boy’ after all.
Teachers in the class blamed her for not showing sincerity towards studies.
As a teenager there is a lot happening inside and outside of us and both the things effect us to a very large extent. The changes in the body as well as the in the surroundings create a havoc in the brain.
All new experiences which are so unknown and so unaddressed.
We address the bodily issues in one biology class and expect the child to grasp everything in one go without asking many questions so as to avoid the uncomfortable discussions.
We then address the social issues by taking a small awareness/ health talk or if you are lucky you get to talk to your parents a few times.
So all the issues are addressed I believe…. NO!!!!
The changes occurring at the mental level, the pressure building up in the head, the confusion and fear of entering unknown waters are never addressed.
We all jump in troubled waters with out a raft and some of us sink!
Many parents say that we never had such a problem we were teenagers too, what is so special with these kids…… The special thing with these kids is that their time and era in which they live has changed and is continuously changing.
They need positive attention to keep up with the pace of life.
We all need to pay attention to all this because youngsters today are vulnerable to mental health issues and these are issues which can be done away with if we pay a little attention.
Mental health is the most misunderstood and ignored aspect of health, which is in fact, the PRIME aspect of health I believe and needs to be addressed very very very often!
Everyone including parents, teachers, relatives and friends have a social responsibility of keeping the society a happy place to be in.
Let’s take the first step by listening to what these teenagers need to say.
Instead of advising, scolding or being impatient let us sit down and talk.
Instead of rejecting their notions let us try to understand our youth better so that we can make a whole new generation better.