It is easy to imagine the situation of a cross-dresser born in an Indian family with almost no privacy, no partner in crime and no-one with who they can share their feelings. I was that child, and then I got a chance to study abroad albeit with a restriction of staying with my relatives.
I still have very few chances to dress the way I want, but something is better than nothing. I also love women shoes, especially high heels.
Three months ago, my relatives were planning to visit their friends and had asked me to join them. Before saying yes, an idea suddenly struck my mind, “This could be your cross-dressing adventure.”
Seizing the opportunity, I made an excuse saying that I had to study and was hence left alone at home for four days. As the garage door was closing, and they had finally left, a new person was born for the next four days.
As soon as they left, I jumped into the closet and grabbed as many salwar kameez, anarkalis, bangles, earrings and whatever else I felt like.. I tried everything on and even modelled in the clothes, accusing designers and the society for their non-acceptance.
Girls have so many options regarding designs and colors, but all men can wear is just limited to one pattern with primary colours. I dolled up as a Punjabi girl with too much jewellery and a little makeup. I tried on various styles such as a kurta and jeans, then a Patiala style salwar, but what was missing was one lovely thing, shoes.
Since my foot size is bigger than the average woman’s, I couldn’t find shoes to fit at home. So then, I thought of going outside to grab a pair of high heels. I still remember feeling scared, “What if a friend of mine catches me?”
Since my devil was already out, I gathered more courage and decided to go out and shop. When I went to the first store, there was a female sales associate present. Since I was nervous, I decided that I would make an excuse and say that I was looking for a pair for my girlfriend. She came up to me and asked, “How can I help you?” When I told her that I was looking for some high heels, she smiled and said, “For who?”
I don’t know how, but I told her that the shoes were indeed for me. Surprisingly, I was then over powered by two ladies. First, they measured my foot size and then I was trying on different types of heels – open toe, wedges, pumps, etc. I even got comments like,“You look nice in them”, which in retrospect I guess were just sales tactics.
I tried on many pairs of shoes and got a pair of Guess wedges. Pumps are my favourite style, so my search continued to other stores. The experience and generosity made me even more confident and I was far more confident at the second store where I found the pumps I wanted.
I did not find it difficult to walk in them and moreover I had good practice in walking in woman’s shoes. While I was trying them on at the store, I didn’t care about anybody. I saw a lady glimpsing at my heels and two teens in sneakers peeping too.
Soon, it was time to end this adventure and go home. For me, it was a perfect blend of Indian attire and my new shoes. I clicked some pictures, watched tv, ordered a pizza which I received in my girl attire and picked up the mail.
This went on for three days, and then that girl went to rest for some time hoping that one day, she’d find a society that understands that these are just clothes. If girls can wear male clothes, wearing women’s clothing, won’t transform me into one.