(Un)-Happily married?

Posted by Ankit Baran
August 14, 2017

Self-Published

There are times when you find someone with whom you had never talked to, never met or even had never heard of before. But still, you can empathise with that person, almost intuitively. You can see why that person did or said something which seems completely out of place in general.

This happened with me when I saw the news of suicide of Mr. Mukesh Pandey, IAS of 2012 batch. He looked so much like just any other guy, no superficial aura of being in such a coveted position of power, prestige and money. He also seemed quite genuine and affable person with smile on his face in all his pics available in news or social media. His batch mates too had similar opinions about him.

Then why, such a person belonging to the group of most powerful people in India, was in his own words ‘not happy with life’? Why he felt that this ‘life’ has no meaning and that people themselves are creating messed up situations and get worked up? But, the most important question is, was his step right?

In his suicide video, he never mentions once that his profession had any influence over his decision. It was mostly his personal relationship with his wife and between his parents and wife which he just couldn’t take anymore. But was that good enough reason to commit suicide?

The fact that there is a stark difference between the personalities of his and his wife is quite common in India where the marriages usually happen in ‘arranged’ manner. The girl and the guy interact with each other properly only after getting married. So, was this really a ‘cowardly step’ as he himself says in the video?

According to latest data by National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), close to 60,000 married men committed suicide in 2014 as compared to 27,000 married women. Still the marital depression has been an under-researched field, though there are many global studies that prove men are more susceptible to suicides than women.

The case in hand of Mr. Mukesh Pandey proves again that external factors such as job, money ,fame, etc. cannot provide one peace in life until and unless one knows how to manage his close relations. Being an introvert guy is an add-on difficulty. Thus, there is a need of being more empathetic towards people around us. It could be anyone, your father, brother, friend, neighbour or even you yourself!

The post-nuptial depression is mostly discussed with women in mind. It’s just not ‘manly’ to be depressed, right? But this officer’s death clearly shows that this kind of depression is not gender biased. So, rather than judging him for his action, let his death be his message. Let’s talk about depression, more and more, without any prejudiced eyes of gender bias.

Let’s hope that no more young talent of our nation is sacrificed in vain because of depression.

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