I Was Slut-Shamed For Kissing The Guy I Was Attracted To

Posted by Muskan Kuvera in #BHL
September 30, 2017
Editor's note: This post is a part of #BHL, a campaign by BBC Media Action and Youth Ki Awaaz to redefine and own the label of what a 'bigda hua ladka or ladki' really is. If you believe in making your own choices and smashing this stereotype, share your story.

I’m 17 years old and I’m a writer by faith. I do what I want, I hangout out with guys, I stay out of the house late at night and I wear what I want. However, the society has got a big problem with that.

One day, a guy came up to me and said, “Do you have any idea what people say about you?” I answered, “These things don’t really affect me but what have you heard?” “That you’ve been with so many guys, had sex with numerous people, and your last ex-boyfriend just used you and threw you away,” he replied.

I didn’t believe him for a second. I didn’t even know how to react to what he had said. “I don’t give a fuck,” I said.

But what he had said broke me down. The words which hurt me the most were, “Your last ex-boyfriend just used you.” That guy hadn’t even touched me. We didn’t even kiss and people were making up rumours behind our backs? What’s wrong with everyone? Breakups can happen for a number of reasons.

I was so very confused about everything. I was being slut-shamed for what? Let me just tell you the number of guys I’ve kissed as of yet.

Image used for representative purposes only.

First was a guy I had been dating for around six to seven months. We used to get some ‘golden chances’ to meet alone and spend some time together. Even after he insisted, I never let him cross my personal boundaries. We broke up after some time and we moved on with our lives.

The second time was when I got a call from my friend one night. This friend was really attractive. He asked me out for a long drive and I instantly agreed. During our drive, the conversation became a little steamy and we came close and kissed each other. It was quite a long kiss.

Yes, only two kisses. I didn’t understand that I was being slut-shamed for. For kissing my ex-boyfriend or for just kissing the guy I was attracted to? Was it for doing what I want or was it because I’m in the wrong country?

The basic problem with our country is our narrow rigid mindset, which is unlikely to change. Sex before marriage is wrong – it’s considered a sin. Being in a relationship is wrong. Your parents are going to disown you if they find out something like that. A girl doing what she wants is always incorrect, never think about doing what you want even in your wildest dreams.

You see, before the streets and beaches, we need a serious ‘Swacch Bharat Abhiyaan’ for Indian mindsets. We need to clean the way we think first. We need to dump outdated mindsets in the trash. We need to start a revolution in our mentalities about almost everything. We need to change our perspective and be the change.

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