My Existential Crises

Posted by San Deep Rai
September 4, 2017

NOTE: This post has been self-published by the author. Anyone can write on Youth Ki Awaaz.

So for a long aeon of my life I had an existential crises. I thought being a gap-toothed teenager is a great distress to my existence. It was hard for me to smile while taking pictures or just laughing out loud in dates. But no one actually notice that I’ve gaps because I speak in a way it is just hard to figure out, may be it’s natural. Some of my close friends think it’s absurd that I’ve got gaps because they never notice until they do or I tell them. I never face criticism for it nor I was termed uncool, ever. It was hard for me to laugh in public but my reflexes are such a sweetheart that my hand automatically covers my mouth whensoever I crack a smile or open my mouth to laugh. I always had a certain dilemma while addressing power point presentation to the class as I invariably thought “what if they see my gaps?, I am standing and they are looking at me. Are they looking at my teeth?”   Deep down I always loathe that awful smile and wonder why it needs to happen what it need not.

And if you’re wondering if I ever tried braces. Well I went to the dentist but braces doesn’t come handy for me because my lateral incisors are smaller than my central incisors and canines. Hence, no braces for me.

Not everyone supports or accepts what doesn’t fit the normality of humanness. Not until recently I was told my whole Instagram is a sham as I’ve been interpreting false and half real images of me to fit in with the ‘oh so cool’ kids of social media. Well may be it’s true, I am trying hard. So does everyone.

This post is not to prove something or anything to anyone but it is for me and for all the people like me out there. I love myself so much that others absurd opinion doesn’t even ring a bell. Sometimes it does “ding ding ding” *laughs* but I’ll get myself over it. I have accepted my flaws and I don’t want to change it at any cost. Because these flaws are what makes me me. I won’t change to fit in myself with the labels or some over abused word like ‘cool.’ May be I am not one of them but I am the one and only. How special does it sound ? No one is like me in the whole holographic world and no one will ever be. How savage it is to let it be ? Because it starts with you and me and us. 

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