I, of all people, had never thought that I will ever attempt a suicide. I am a known case of BiPolar Disorder, but after being on treatment and counselling for over 3 years, I decided to quit medication and try to manage it through lifestyle changes. Two years after quitting the medication, there were a series of incidents that took me on an emotional roller coaster ride that was topped by my sister’s death in 2013.
I had moved away to another country, my husband had a terrible accident and then I had come back to my place. Within a week of return, my sister was in ICU and by next week she died. It was too much for me to handle. However, after managing for over five months, finally I tried to take sleeping pills and end my life. I’m glad I chose that method and not more serious one.
I can clearly remember the day when I had crossed the point of no return, the day I had moved from Fighter Side to Quitter Side!
This post will not get into the details of what happened before, but what happened after and how it changed my life. One thing became clear that day…I WILL NEVER TRY TO TAKE MY LIFE AGAIN!
Yes, there have been suicidal thoughts, much stronger ones, even after that, but I handle it differently now. In 2013, before the incident, I had tried to reach out to people, dropped hints, told them a bit or two…but now, I have a set of people, whom I have told about the incident and that when I approach them next time, they should take me to my Psychiatrist without much delay. Thank God, I haven’t reached that point, as I now tell it clearly…like recently, I told my husband, “Honey, I feel worthless and have thought of killing myself again.” He said, “Why? Who will make tea for me?” Hug, kiss and a reminder, that’s all it took.
The other day, I couldn’t reach my husband and called and friend of mine…she immediately sent her son’s pictures and videos showering all the “love you aunty” messages.
What it takes for the survivor to continue:
- Understand and accept that it’s only you who can help yourself
- Remember that people around you love you and want to help you…but it is you, who needs to identify and reach out to the right person (Keep a list of at least five people you can reach out to)
- Identify what works for you and share that with your support circle. Do this in your good times
- Become aware of your emotions and early signs, so that you can work it out before it reaches the end point
- Be kind to yourself even if you appear being selfish – cutting off people and activities that seem to be pushing you in depression…any toxic relationship (Parents, siblings, spouse, children) this may sound selfish but you being unhappy is not going to help the relationship anyways.
Most importantly, seek professional help. Take charge of your life and feel proud of it because, you have been brave to face it and live with it!
In my experience, whenever, in any gathering or group, I have spoken about my mental health and suicidal thoughts, at least one more person has reached out to me asking for help. They thought it was only them who were suffering. Open up! You can be of help too!
#suicide #suicideprevention #mentalhealth