I struggle with my own demons inside me each passing day. Sometimes they beat me, and sometimes I beat them. I don’t share these problems with everyone but they’re something I have been fighting for a while. I avoid talking about my issues and explaining them to my family because it is not very well understood in our community.
For an average person who looks at everything from the outside, would think that everything is okay. Everyone other than my mom thinks that depression is all in my head. However, I don’t think she understands me, even though she is a learning disability counsellor.
The anxiety grew over a period of time. I have especially struggled in the last four years, but the worst was the last one year. I somehow feel that I won’t be able to explain it to anyone. My cousin did not like the fact that I was a part of her wedding, but still stayed away from the happiness. But, I was not able to connect to it at all and be a part of it. If you’re someone who’s been through anxiety and depression, you will understand what I mean. It’s like a dark cloud of emotions that sits in our heads and trust me, it’s not easy to live with it at all.
For me, writing this post isn’t easy and I’m scared of being vulnerable. I’m scared of being judged, but I’m still trying to be courageous. We often bottle up our emotions and try to fight our battles alone. It was much easier for me to open up to my dad and a handful of friends and I’m fortunate to have my group of loved ones who would be there to help me out.
Talk to someone, talk to a therapist – it helps a lot. For me, my love for reading and writing has helped me a lot. Music has also been my outlet and at times, becomes the only way I can control my emotions and calm myself down.
The reason I chose to write this post was to make myself feel better. I hope that this could be an inspiration for many others out there. In a place where mental health is not something well understood and discussed, it’s important to know that we don’t have to fight alone.