I’ve Fought Depression Once But I’m Scared That I Might Have To Do It Again

Posted by Vedika Agrawal in Mental Health
October 16, 2017

I am a 17-year-old girl who went into depression when I was 15. People in my class used to joke about what depression was and how it would affect someone who may fall into it. I was too young to understand that I was depressed, but the only thing I could see in my life was that I was sad.

I had sleepless nights and created fears on my own. One of my fears was a result of sheer overthinking. My overthinking led me to think about what would happen if I lose all the people around me. What if they all die? How will I live?

These thoughts haunted me and gave me sleepless nights. I became really sad and no one around me was aware of it. Even my parents had no clue about what I was going through. The stress and sadness also affected my menstrual cycle. My periods became irregular and at that time, all I went through was sadness and pain.

I was too young to understand why I’m sad. I didn’t realise what was happening until I was forcefully taken to a counsellor. She just asked me a few questions and I started crying and told her everything. I told her how I hated school because people commented on me, bullied me and talked bad about me. As a new student, they didn’t even accept me. They body shamed me and even made comments on my dark skin.

When I was done with the counselling sessions, I realised that I just went through therapy and that I was in depression. I needed to get out of it because I had to focus on my studies. I needed to come out stronger and bolder, but that didn’t stop the anxiety attacks. I still get them and it makes me feel stressed.

I still have days when I fear that I could fall back into the dark place I came out from. The thoughts do reoccur, but I make it a point to distract myself. Depression is difficult to come out from and once you’re out, there is a possibility to fall back if we don’t stay strong enough.

This thing is always going to stay in my life. You may think that I’m too young to give advice, but the people who have gone through it will agree that it may strike again. I’m not saying that my life is sad. I’m happy to an extent, but I have understood that I need to take initiative to make myself happy.

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