This post has been self-published on Youth Ki Awaaz by Akansha Jat. Just like them, anyone can publish on Youth Ki Awaaz.

My Own Parents Tried To Kill Me Because I Wanted To Study

Editor's note: This post is a part of #BHL, a campaign by BBC Media Action and Youth Ki Awaaz to redefine and own the label of what a 'bigda hua ladka or ladki' really is. If you believe in making your own choices and smashing this stereotype, share your story.

I was lying on the hospital bed while the doctors were stitching my wrist. No, I didn’t try to commit suicide; rather, I did this so that I could live. Last year, on February 26,  I was beaten so badly by my own parents that I had to harm myself to get out of that situation.

I belong to a very conservative family. My marriage was fixed when I was just 13 to a guy who was much older than me. At the age when I just hit puberty, I had to face this kind of nonsense. Child marriage is still a very common thing in my community. Girls are not encouraged to study or to go to schools; rather, they are forced to learn household jobs. If a girl even tries to study (for which she obviously needs to step out of her house), she is branded as ‘characterless’.

If she is even seen talking to a boy, soon after, her parents will force her to marry because the society starts judging that girl’s morality and dignity.

At first, I didn’t even realise what all this was about. Suddenly, I was forced to behave more conventionally ‘feminine’, was made to stay in the house for the whole day (except for school hours), do household works and other things which are required to prepare a girl to get married at the age of 13.

I was very reserved at that point of time so I obeyed almost everything that my mother would say. When I was in class 11, I joined coaching classes for the medical entrance exam. One day, the guy with whom my marriage was fixed came to the coaching and I was so frightened with this incident that I quit the classes without telling anybody the reason behind it.

This guy used to chat with me on Facebook and I was ordered (by my parents) to talk to him, against my will. If I refused this, my parents threatened me that they would stop my studies.

Amidst all this mental torture, I fell into depression and failed my class 12 exams. And then the problem grew worse. As I had failed, my parents decided to get me married. They said that now that I had failed, it was better for me to get married as I couldn’t do anything in my life, otherwise. This disturbed me so much that I stopped eating properly and became anaemic. To top it all off, I developed a medical condition called as Mitral Valve Prolapse.

Due to this, thankfully, my marriage got postponed. Then I told my parents about how that guy used to torture me. So, they finally agreed to me not talking to him. I blocked him from every messaging platform and even changed my phone number. But he later found it and messaged me again. But now, I was a bit stronger so I blocked him again and told him that I wouldn’t marry him at any cost.

Then he showed me his true face. Again and again, he threatened me and sent me abusive messages. When I told this to my parents, they told me to bear all this as he will be my husband and according to them, women ought to bear every brutality her husband commits upon her.

Everything changed on February 26, 2016. That day, my parents beat me like an animal only because I refused to go to that guy’s sister’s marriage. I remember when my father tried to strangle me and my mother had a cricket bat in her hand to thrash my head and not let me get away alive.

I shouted aloud and thankfully my aunt and cousin sister came to rescue me. But they didn’t succeed in getting me out of all this and I wouldn’t survive if they tried to beat me again. Therefore, I slit my wrist above the veins (this was the benefit of taking biology in class 12 as my main subject). Soon, blood rushed down my hand and I made it visible to everyone by pressing a bit (my blood flow was weak because of anaemia). Even after this, my parents didn’t stop beating me but thankfully, my cousin took me to the hospital with her.

After this incident, I was again bound in my house for a week. But even after all this, my parents were again forcing me to marry that guy. Then I decided I wouldn’t allow this to happen at any cost (because now I knew that they didn’t really care about me, but only the society). Now, I had to free myself from this trap for which I went to a local NGO. There, they told me that I could be saved from marriage if I drafted a case against my parents and I did that.

My father is a well-renowned politician so he knew a lot about the court and the police. He tried to dodge every hearing so that one day, I would get tired of going to the court and the police stations and their misbehaviour (because nobody trusted me that my own parents were after my life and instead thought I was having an affair against my parents’ wishes and that is why I was doing all this).

But I didn’t give up and after nine months of struggle, I finally had a warrant issued against my father. Then, my relatives forced my father to appear in court to prevent them from being disgraced in the eyes of society. My parents acted superbly in front of the judge and convinced her that they will not do this again and will support my studies. After a promising note, the case was closed but not my struggle.

During the last semester of my graduation, I cleared the IIT–JAM entrance exam. I had to move out of the city for the course. At first, my parents celebrated this in front of everyone but when the time came for me to really move to another city, they again started to torture me mentally and brought another boy home for my marriage. I again said no, but they didn’t listen and I had to run away from my house.

Thankfully, I had a good amount of savings with me and I, therefore, took admission in a post-graduation course in another city in a good private college (screw IIT counsellings).

My parents lodged a missing complaint against me and the police tracked me down. They said they would arrest me if I didn’t go with them. They even assured me that my studies wouldn’t be affected. I recorded this on video in case they were trying to fool me. My parents again changed their colours in front of the police and promised them that they wouldn’t force me to marry against my will and allow me to study as much as I wanted.

I moved to another city where I am living peacefully and studying properly. But still, whenever I visit my house, my parents abuse and torture me for something or the other, and even when there is no fault of my own. But now, I answer to everything they do. Now, I fight with great courage against them and don’t let them dominate me.

And for all this, I am called a bigdi hui ladki. Still, I don’t feel very comfortable around them and I can’t trust them ever again. Therefore, I am studying hard to get a peaceful and reputed life, away from all this.

You must be to comment.
  1. Aayushi Chatterjee

    Keep up the spirit..?

  2. Saloni Hardiya

    Very inspiring, it needs heart to stand alone amongst spines. You are a very powerful person,you’ve now changed your own fate with your courage.
    Good bless you! Good wishes always:*

  3. Nitika Batham

    Keep up the spirit..

  4. Varchasva Gupta

    This saddening story is just a painful screening of the mental as well as physical torture a girl has to pass through. Why even does society can’t stop ? thinking that whatever society thinks isn’t a damn concern for them.
    Recently the supreme court passed a judgement that a man can not have sex with his minor wife with or without her consent. But still a man can have sex with her wife if she is above 18 years of age with or without her consent, even if he rapes her still he will not be confiscated. This inflicts the pain in Indian society…..

  5. Heavenly Troopers

    Your courage, braveheart.. will forever be remembered by whoever sees you for what you stood up for. It will inspire many and help us find God, freedom and peace within.

    Many may not even know your story, but trust I keep that you will leave your mark on the world. After all, few things can ever be holier or greater than standing up to tyranny when you are surrounded by walls and perhaps even death, all around.

    I’m blessed and honored to have read your piece. God bless, and may we be a Free people!

    — Raj

  6. babloo lahri

    My parents, especially my father thinks I am useless. My mother supports me a little bit atleast. But due to my father, I have also tried to commit suicide. After reading your story, I was inspired to be strong and be courageous. I am writing this with a fake account just in case they find this.

  7. Shivam Chaudhary

    My father leaved my mom when i was 9 my father gave all will property to my name after his death when my mother got to know that my sister and mother tried to kill me and beat me everyday my mother called my sister boyfriend to kill me for property and everyday they give me threats to call police i don’t know how to deal with it both my sister and mother tries to torture me even I’m not safe in my home

  8. anu7171

    i believe you
    same happened with me and i am fighting and we will be winner.
    i am a law student,connect with me for anything,hope i can aid and help myself as in this condition it gives you strength.

  9. anu7171

    hi i believe you
    trust me parents are the most brutal since they have. the authority.
    u can always welcome for any support my dear,went through same,i know your pain and trust me i believe everyy word of you.do ping me on anubha7171@gmail.com.i would love to talk to you

    1. anu7171

      i am proud of youmy girl

More from Akansha Jat

Similar Posts

By Rakhi Bose

By Suchetana DuttaMaji

By Sajal Maji

Wondering what to write about?

Here are some topics to get you started

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Read more about her campaign. 

A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

Read more about the campaign here.

A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

Read more about the campaign here.

A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform Change.org, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on Change.org has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in Change.org’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

Sign up for the Youth Ki Awaaz Prime Ministerial Brief below